Jan 01
Pa will plant a new front lawn that is guaranteed against fire-breathing locusts and the apocalypse.
Ma will stop giving her bankers money for nothing.
Thing 1 will learn that feelings are not all that bad.
Thing 2 will get out more (without his f-bomb).
Jan 01
Pa will read The Organized Mind: Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload and then hit control alt delete on a lot of things.
Ma will get her new oven working or replaced.
Thing 1 will get his license, buy a new drum kit, and then realize that said drums don’t have wheels (and won’t fit into our car).
Thing 2 will foreclose on the kitchen if Pa doesn’t pay him back (with interest) the $3000 he fronted for the last kitchen payment.
Jan 01
Pa will try to convince someone that, “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”
Ma will do her own thing while trusting the other Things to do the right thing for themselves.
Thing 1 will try again to cash in on his free trip to a rock concert anywhere in North America (or at least Sudbury).
Thing 2 will build a house.
Jan 01
I think maybe Pa will definitely try to almost certainly get away to what might be his first live NFL football game.
Ma will get back to looking after herself for a change (starting with her posture).
Thing 1 will cash in on his free trip to a rock concert anywhere in N. America.
Thing 2 will stop bugging ma and pa (except for the car keys).
Jan 01
Pa will try again to attend his first NFL football game in 2012.
Ma will buy (or preferably win) a new house that contains her dream kitchen (with a stove that works), a newly shingled roof, freshly paved driveway, new windows and siding, and so on…
Thing 1 will work a little harder at looking after himself.
Thing 2 will work on his taste in music (if not his many eating disorders).
Jan 01
Pa will attend his first NFL football game in 2011.
Ma will get a new kitchen or stop telling everyone else that they need to change, do something, stop dreaming, start dreaming, talk less/act more, and so on, and on and on…
Thing 1 will stop worrying.
Thing 2 will (try again to) learn to adapt to eat, sleep, and life cycles other than his own.
Jan 01
Pa will never, never, never ever again (even if it kills him) resort to dieting to lose weight. Olympic wrestlers and high fashion models everywhere would marvel at the lengths he went over this past month to drop 4 pounds over last year? No small feat for a guy whose feet were limping to the Doctor more than they were racing (alright lumbering) around the track in 2009.
Ma will let Thing 2 go hungry (or fend for himself) at least every other night that he refuses to eat the same meal that she prepares for the rest of her nestlings. She will also attempt to silently let Pa muddle through from point A to B (at least once every other trip) the same way he has (apparently) accidentally managed to do without accident on all those occasions that she was not there to Globally Position and critique his every motor movement from her absolute (must) “control” position in the passenger seat.
Thing 1 will watch the BBC World News once every week to offset his ever growing digital divide to reality. He will also be launched (i.e. sent from his room) as opposed to grounded whenever his attitude indicates he has forgotten who really controls the vertical and the horizontal in these parts.
Thing 2 will learn to adapt to eat, sleep, and life cycles other than his own.
Jan 01
I will get out of the house on my own one night every week in order to stop bugging Ma’s butt and in order to generate some new stories to tell her (even if I have to make them up).
Ma will tame Thing Shrew of his attitude or die trying.
Thing 1 (and I) will join an archery club and he will try to be a little more sociable in the real world.
Thing 2 will pick his own things up off of the floor even though it may cause a reduction in demand for his highly lucrative back massage operation. He will also try to talk a little more and talk back a lot less.
Jan 01
I will strive to make next years review shorter.
Ma will not break any more New Year resolutions (by not making any).
Thing 1 will do 10 chin-ups and spend more time learning and less time playing on the internet.
Thing 2 will go to jiu jitsu three times a week and promise not to flip-out(side of jiu jitsu).
Jan 01
I won’t forget … to look after myself. Doctor, Dentist, Optometrist and Feet – oh, especially the feet and then, by God, I will get back to an exercise regimen that will resurrect my god-like physique – or at least trade my gaudy Buddha body for something a little more Greek goddy.
Ma will resolve to let the kids do their own homework.
Thing 1 resolves to do more sit-ups than I can and, weather permitting, spend a minimum of 40 minutes per day playing alone or together with his brother in the Great Outdoors or else spend the day alone in his room without electricity, batteries or any of his other social demons.
Thing 2 will stop getting upset every-time games don’t go his way. He will lose the privilege of playing any games for 1 day when he storms away without finishing, or 2 days when be throws all or part of said game to prevent others from finishing without him.