Tag Archive: Prologue

The Chinese called it the Year of the Monkey. The United Nations dubbed 2004 the International Year of Rice. It was the year that JM Barrie’s Peter Pan, “The Boy Who Would Not Grow Up” turned 100.  2004 also marked the 100_th anniversary of:

• the discovery of the Oseberg Viking burial ship;
• the discovery of the Tomb of Nefertari;
• the American Lung Association;
• Dr. Seuss’s birth;
• the wristwatch;
• air-conditioning;
• the answering machine;
• the hamburger’s introduction to America;
• stainless steel;
• the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA);
• the automatic car transmission;
• bulldozer;
• the tea bag;
• iced tea
• the banana split;

How could any year possibly rice to the occasion of honoring such a list of centenarians?  Waits a minute, Oseberginning to feel my ship about to embark on another tangent, and I’se always been one tomb nefertari on New Year’s Eve when it comes to striking out in ”different” directions.  I seems to recall the odd occasions last year when Ma and I could be found screaming our lungs out in association with the effort of getting Thing 1 and Thing 2, our boys who, at times would just as soon not grow up, to try a little harder Seuss to do just that.  Coincidentally, the boys received wristwatches from their grandparents for Christmas this year.  2004 was certainly not a year that put a lot of wear and tear on the old air-conditioner; however, Canada did mark the answering machine’s 100^th birthday with the announcement of plans to establish a national telemarketing no call registry.  Americans continued to hork down gobs of hamburger even though it still wasn’t coming from Canada and; meanwhile, north of the 49^th, Canada would close a hockey camp in Sudbury after 19 children and 6 staff members were stricken by the effects of hamburger tainted with the E. Coli bacteria.

So steel yourself everyone. The kick-off is upon us.  Just give me a minute to shift gears (oops, make that beers) before I bulldoze my way through some of the events of 2004 as I remember them (but beer in mind that I drink to forget so don’t get too tea-ed off if I don’t bag all the big stories; or in the event that my insights sound overly bananas as I split hairs en route to a good story).

Another year (and another bottle) has come and gone and once again I find myself struggling through the mists of time (and that bottle) to make some sense of it all.

The United Nations dubbed 2003 the International Year of Freshwater.  As if to underline the importance of said commodity, 2003 served up the 3^rd hottest year in the history of man (or at least since accurate records were started in 1861).  It was marked by sweltering drought across large swaths of the planet including Europe where thousands (most of them in France) would die in prolonged heat waves at temperatures in excess of 104^o Fahrenheit.  Coincidentally, 2003 also marked the 100^th anniversary of the ice cream cone.

Sit back and fasten your seatbelt as I try to read between the lines (I find it’s always easier when I’m seeing double) to unravel the real stories behind the events of the past year.

As the whimper sun sets on another year, it’s time to pop another cork and drink in the memories of the old year – unless of course you are/were drinking to forget in which case please also forget everything I am about to tell you.

The United Nations declared 2002 the International Year of the Mountain, but you and I both know that it will actually go down in history, at least Canadian history, as the International year of the … (another word that starts with the letters mo).  For those of you that have not figured it out yet, I have subtly embedded clues throughout the body of this review.  For those of you who don’t read so well and/or after a little too much on the intake are still a little slow on the uptake, I have typed those clues very s-l-o-w-l-y.

Another year, another reference to Nostradamus’ predictions of Armageddon falls short – but mankind can take solace in the knowledge that hope springs eternal, if not in the minds of mankind as a whole, then at least in the minds of the doomsday cults.

We made it!!!! We survived Armageddon January 1, 2000 (a.k.a. the Year 2000 bug). We survived Armageddon May 5, 2000 (a.k.a. the day the largest planets in our solar system came into perfect alignment with the Sun and the Earth – an event that was supposed to have caused the Western Ice Shield of Antarctica to break away and cause global flooding and a redefinition of the shorelines of the world). Heck, I even survived without ever laying eyes on the Survivor television series.