Tag Archive: Prologue

The Chinese called it the Year of the Horse.  The United Nations dubbed 2014 the International Year of Small Island Developing States (SIDS). UNESCO calls it the their International Year of  Family Farming.  It was the year that Ford’s Mustang and the Sugar Bear turned 50.  The concept of an 8-hour workday turned 100 years old.  It was introduced by Henry Ford to offset monotony induced  high turnover rates experienced on the assembly lines he introduced the year before.  2014 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

• the opening of the Panama Canal
• the 1^st major oil discovery in western Canada (at Turner Valley)
• the Coleman Lamp
• the Tinkertoy Construction Set
• Wrigley Doublemint gum
• Babe Ruth’s 1^st major league baseball game
• Charlie Chaplin‘s 1^st motion picture  
• the sinking of the RMS Empress of Ireland in the Gulf of St. Lawrence; (1,012 lives are lost).
• Green Beer (on St. Patrick’s Day)
• the Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria:
• the commencement of World War I
• the 1^st ship to be torpedoed & sunk by a submarine
• Canadian Automobile Machine Gun Brigade is the 1^st fully mechanized unit in the British Army

Sadly we lost more than we found in 2014.

The world lost a couple Asian airplanes and over 300 (and counting) Nigerian school girls.  Scotland lost its bid for independence. I’ll stop there because its a long list that runs on and on (and fortunately I lost that too).

The finds were few and far between but Canada did manage to find the wreck of one of two ships that have been missing for over a century and a half.

The only thing I found this year is a new “black” whisky muse to help lubricate my unhinged recollection of the last year’s events.  Don’t worry though, I will try not to let its color spill over into my memories of the past year. I am still the boss of me and a glass half full (so I don’t spill any) kind of guy, so relax while I try to spin something positive into an otherwise dark, no news is good news kind of year.

The Chinese called it the Year of the Snake.  The United Nations dubbed 2013 the International Year of Water Cooperation.  It was the year that Doctor Who and Beatlemania turned 50.  The concept of mass production turned 100 years old.  2013 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

• Income tax (in USA)
• the Erector Set (now Meccano)
• Laura Secord, Canadian chocolatier, confectionery & ice cream company
• the highest temperature recorded in the world (Death Valley, California hits 134 °F  /  56.7 °C)
• the 1^st successful use of a parachute to bail out of a crashing plane.
• the 1^st packaged cigarettes (The Camel cigarette brand).
• Evil Dr. Fu Manchu (a fictional arch villain);
• the mallomar cookie
• Al Capone’s expulsion from school (grade 6);
• Jimmy Hoffa’s birth
• the Irish music ballad Danny Boy.
• the “Bringing Up Father”  and “Krazy Kat” comic strips

In honour of the Chinese Year of the Snake, politicians everywhere went into viper-drive to prove that many can still go lower than a snake’s belly in their ability to embezzle, embarrass and underwhelm their constituents.  Meanwhile,  the UN’s high hopes for water and cooperation were dashed by an uncooperative typhoon’s destruction in the Philippines and a Calgary Stampede that was very nearly cancelled (until organizers rounded up a herd of sea horses) in a year that was awash in an ocean of other leaks and illegal wiretaps.

Regardless we have clearly come a long way in the last hundred years… or have we?  Think about all of the above-mentioned centennial milestones as you scroll through what the spin doctors of my mind can weave in def(er)ence of 2013 – e.g. “like Doctor Who, no matter how many Popes die, they are always replaced by another white guy” (someone else came up with that one hence the quotation marks).

Brace yourselves, I don’t even know what lies ahead (which should scare both of us given that I am writing about what I think I remember already happened last year).

The Chinese called it the Year of the Dragon. The United Nations dubbed 2012 the International Year of Cooperatives and International Year of Sustainable Energy for All.  It was the year that Spiderman and The Rolling Stones turned 50.  The Oreo cookie turned 100 years old.  2012 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

• the sinking of the Titanic;
• Life Saver candies;
• the electric blanket;
• the Girl Scouts of America;
• the stainless steel patent;
• the discovery of vitamins;
• the tragic demise of Robert Scott’s Expedition to the South Pole;
• the concept of continental drift;
• ecstasy (the drug);
• paved highways in North America;
• electric traffic lights;
• the Universal Studios and Paramount Pictures movie companies.

In honour of the Chinese Year of the Dragon, we found ourselves dragon our butts through what just might have been one of the most uneventful years on record.  Nothing has changed since 2011.  Europe continues to flirt with disaster; Quebec is still corrupt;  the Chinese have yet to become disoriented; banks are still sleazy; Obama is still president; and the world did not end  (unless you are an NHL hockey fan).  Be that as it may, you should continue to “Party Like There’s No ToMaya” and let me muse over what happened last year and what lies ahead in 2013.

The Chinese called it the Year of the Rabbit. The United Nations dubbed 2011 the International Year of the Forest.  It was also celebrated as the International Year of Chemistry, International Year for People of African Descent and World Veterinary Year. It was the year that the Beatles and Manned Space Flight  turned 50. The Indianapolis500  turned 100 years old.  2011 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

• International Women’s Day;
• Parks Canada
• Naval aviation (the 1^st time an aircraft lands on a ship)
• Crisco oil
• the electric starter (now the only cranky thing in a car is its driver)
• the arrival of Roald Amundsen’s expedition at the South Pole.
• the Austin Dam collapse that wiped out the town of Austin, Pennsylvania, killing 78.
• The 1^st Monte Carlo race.
• The 1^st motion picture studio in Hollywood (Nestor Motion Picture Co.)
• The song, “Alexander’s Ragtime Band“ by Irving Berlin

In honour of the Chinese Year of the Rabbit, Halloween (October 31^st) was just a little scarier last year as the UN announced it marked the birth of the 7 billion^th earthling. Moreover, 2011 was also littered with other subtle reminders of mankind’s not so litter habit of littering the globe with litter ones such as the fact that,  commencing last January 1, between 7,000 and 10,000 North American baby boomers were turning 65 every day (and will continue to do so for next 19 years ending 2030).

The good news is that, as one of those aging boomers, I am not  remembering so well these days so this is bound to be shorter than my prior year-end reviews. The bad news is that bad news is pretty much all that I expect we are going to encounter in the following pages.  Those of you who prefer not to be reminded should probably skip ahead to my (always optimistic) Predictions for the Year 2011.

For those who haven’t heeded my warning, buckle up your galoshes and let’s wade into this latest installment of my annual awards and stories.

The Chinese called it the Year of the Tiger. The United Nations dubbed 2010 the International Year of Biodiversity.  It was also celebrated as the International Year of the Nurse. It was the year that the Flintstones turned 50.  Hallmark greeting cards turned 100 years old.  2010 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

• The Royal Canadian Navy
• Black & Decker
• The motion picture stuntman when a man jumps into the Hudson river from a burning balloon;
• The North American Monster movie genre when Edison Studios produced the first film version of Frankenstein;
• The Vatican’s oath against modernism (any interpretation of the Bible focusing on the text itself, but ignoring what the Church Fathers had traditionally taught about it).

As I remember all the news that was news, 2010 proved that mother nature was better equipped to take care of herself than person-kind (I blame the women too) is of taking care of itself.  My “grounds” for this observation are based on “grounded” airlines and a whole lot of under-“ground” movements that shook (Earthquakes in Haiti & Chile), swallowed (sinkholes in Canada & Mexico) and threw up (33 miners in Chile) people of the world.

Notwithstanding my understanding of the outstanding impact that the above-mentioned events stood for,  I am nevertheless going to dub 2010 my International Year of the Nerd Herd.  Yes, it was the year that herds of nerds lined up to buy iPads and see a movie about a nerd who created web sites designed to herd more nerds (who we shall refer to as the masses) into virtual holding pens where they could be properly labeled and appreciated by their adoring (albeit artificial) ‘friends’ and ‘frenemies.’

But I am getting ahead of myself.  Brace yourselves everyone for another ground-breaking (and sometimes shaky) run through the events of the year as I recall them.

The Chinese called it the Year of the Ox. The United Nations dubbed 2009 the International Year of Astronomy (and the International Year of the Natural Fibres). It was the year that Barbie turned 50. The Montreal Canadiens hockey team turned 100 years old (and they acted their age) last year.  2009 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

• Plastic
• The Electric Toaster
• The Cigarette Lighter
• The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP)
• The Lincoln Penny
• The First Powered Flight in Canada (the Silver Dart, in Baddeck, N.S.)
• The Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost
• The Grey Cup Canadian Football Championship
• Leon’s furniture Store

All in all it was a good year if you believe in the old adage that “no news is good news”.  The little Dutch girl didn’t get to sail around the world. The little American Balloon boy didn’t really disappear in a weather balloon. Michael Jackson didn’t deliver on his comeback tour. The Canadian reenactment of the Battle of Plains of Abraham didn’t happen and Obama didn’t end any wars, famine or global warming (but did win a Nobel Peace prize for what he could conceivably do given the opportunity …maybe).   Is it any wonder all the news and media giants found themselves in hock to the point of closing stations and selling off their newspaper holdings?

The Chinese called it the Year of the Rat. The United Nations dubbed 2008 the International Year of the Potato (and the International Year of the Sanitation; and International Year of Languages; and International Year of the Frog; and International Year of the Planet Earth). It was the year that General Motors turned 100 years old.  2008 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

• the Model T Ford
• Mother’s Day
• the Royal Canadian Mint
• the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation)
• Russia’s Tunguska Forest explosion
• the Harvard School of Business
• the “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” song
• Ann of Green Gables

As I recollect, without a whole lot of analysis, 2008 was a good for nothing kind of year. Our loonie soared and we got “nothing” to show for it. The bankers of the world got their comeuppance, but sadly we got little or no satisfaction given that we were to busy giving them our money to bail their sorry butts back into the black so the rest of us could continue to watch them throw their lavish management retreats as if they had “nothing” to do with the events that led to the global financial crisis.  South of the border we saw a year of evangelical political posturing of Hollywood blockbuster purport that ended in the election of a president who could do “nothing” while his lame duck predecessor languished in office with “nothing” to do but wait for the moving vans.  Here in Canada we actually did have an Act of Parliament passed that would fix the dates of all federal elections (but apparently that meant “nothing” to its author as he called a snap election for “nothing”). That election was run on a campaign of “nothing” that anyone really cared about and resulted in “nothing” but more of the same old, same old and an attempt by our PM “the economist” to solve a looming economic crisis by doing “nothing” but attempting to pass a law that would leave all Canadian opposition parties with “nothing” in their bank accounts to fight the next “nothing” election.  Yep, in the greater scheme of things, 2008 gave us “nothing” more than a proroguy  to remember it by (and I don’t know about you but that does “nothing” for me).

The Chinese called it the Year of the Pig. The United Nations dubbed 2007 the International Year of the Dolphin. It was the year that Scouting turned 100 years old.  2007 also marked the 100^th anniversary of the:

Hershey’s Kiss

United Parcel Service

Taxi cabs

The electric vacuum cleaner

Canada Dry Ginger Ale

Bakelite (the precursor to modern plastic)

Paper towels

Color photography

Paper cups

The gas station

The State of Oklahoma

The term “egg-head”

Looking back, 2007 was for the most part a pretty ho hum year; but although nothing much changed, there was no shortage of folks who were into diapers albeit not for the purposes of change.  A lady astronaut launched the year by donning her diapers to travel halfway across the United States to make a rival in romance disappear.  She was followed by a host of players (none of them winners) all attempting to get into the diapers of Anna Nicole Smith’s only living heir.

The Chinese called it the Year of the Dog. The United Nations dubbed 2006 the International Year of the Deserts and Desertification. It was the year that animation turned 100 years old.  2006 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

• the Teddy Bear;
• AM radio;
• Bubblegum;
• the perm hairdo;
• the Planters peanut brand;
• the Kellogg company;
• Rolls Royce
• Sonar
• Jack London’s book White Fang;
• Sherlock Holmes and the Hound of the Baskervilles;
• the Great San Francisco earthquake and fire;
• the feature film – a.k.a. movie (i.e. “The Story of the Kelly Gang” is the 1^st feature film)

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•   Alzheimer’s disease identification [almost forgot that one]

The Chinese called it the Year of the Rooster.  The United Nations dubbed 2005 the International Year of Sport and Physical Education as well as the International Year of Micro-credit (small loans designed to tap entrepreneurial spirit existing in communities around the world).   2005 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

• the provinces of Alberta and Saskatchewan
• the city of Las Vegas
• Norway’s declaration of independence from Sweden
• Novocaine
• Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity (and many more)
• Sinn Féin a political party bent on independence for all of Ireland.
• the 1^st airplane factory
• the 1^st U-Boat
• Roald Amundsen’s 1^st trip through the Northwest Passage.
• the State of Oklahoma
• the invention of the Popsicle.
• the artificial hip joint
• Mata Hari’s professional debut in Paris
• Puffed Rice cereal
• Jules Verne’s death
• the 1^st forest fire lookout tower
• the 1^st outboard motor

Primed as I am on champagne and beer, Alberta thousand dollars in Las Vegas there’s Norway I’ll be able to tie all these milestones into one of my cohesive, albeit rambling openers.  Novacaine, not even Einstein when he’sinn féin form and snorting a factory full of airplane glue.  U-boat to hear me try though, even if it stinks like the time I roald amundsen elephant crap after the circus left town – but first I need to go get another beer.  Ok lahoma gonna take it from here now (did I mention I’m black from the fridge).  I’m cool now.  Cooler than a popsicle in a hip joint, yet I find I’mata hari point in my train of thought, and with fewer active brain cells than a bowl of puffed rice I might just as well call it quits now and go to bed.  Speaking of snowballs and hell, Jules Verne there if you don’t close your eyes when you come to the things that I expect to be writing about the various religious orders of record.  Oops!  Lookout, tower’s getting late and here I’m still rambling on like an outboard motor mouth. Better get down to business now. Saskatchewan the flip side.