Tag Archive: Joke of the Year

Photography is still the only hobby where you can shoot people and cut their heads off without going to jail.

The Mayor of Toronto, Canada

I asked my girlfriend, “Can you please get me a newspaper?”

“Don’t be silly,” she replied, “you can borrow my iPad.”

That fly never knew what hit it …

“I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” — Nick Helm

A lady who craves sleep is seated next to a lawyer on a long flight, but he keeps waking her up. “Let’s play a trivia game,” he suggests. “If I answer wrong, I’ll pay you $50. If you answer wrong, you owe me $5.” The lady agrees, and the lawyer goes first. “What’s the distance between the earth and the moon?” The lady hands the lawyer $5. Now it’s her turn. “What goes up a mountain on three legs and comes down on four?”  The lawyer is dumbstruck. He scans the Internet, flips through his pocket encyclopedia, and texts every scientist he can find. No dice. Hours later, he wakes up the lady, hands her $50, and asks, “So what’s the answer?” Without a word, she hands him $5 and goes back to sleep.

Q: What is the difference between Santa Clause & Tiger Woods?

A: Santa stops at 3 ho’s

Q: What is the difference between politicians and children?

A: Children will eventually grow up.

News agencies.

If it bleeds it leads and the rest is strictly entertainment.  The National Inquirer frets as World News agencies, including the venerable Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, trip all over themselves to include the drunk driving escapades of Mel Gibson and then Paris Hilton in their international news reports.  I realize that I should be thankful and pass this off under the heading of “No news is good news” but…?

The Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce (CIBC)

Despite being informed by a West Virginian junkyard owner that sensitive CIBC customer information is routinely being misdirected to his fax, CIBC bean counters do not take steps to rectify the problem until he spills the beans publicly on a Canadian News magazine show.  While performing damage control, CIBC must also factor in a host of other security faux pas not the least of which being reports of an Automated Teller Machine in Moncton, New Brunswick that was distributing Canadian Tire money to unsuspecting customers.

Voter turnout in municipal and provincial elections across the country.

 Honorable mention: People who actually believed they had a choice (a.k.a. the ones that turned out).