Tag Archive: Awards
Jan 01
Statistic of the Year 2017
Carbon Dioxide (CO2) levels in our atmosphere are sky high and climbing.
Even as The Dodder struggles to turn back time and recreate old markets to keep the American Coal Mining industry on life support, studies emanating from labs in 51 countries encircling the planet indicate that CO2 levels in the atmosphere encircling same planet are surging upwards.
Numbers released for the previous year 2016 marked the “the largest increase we have ever seen in the 30 years” of WHO global atmosphere watch measurements. Only time (and an American 5th Grader) will tell whether 2017’s devastating forest fire records and the tremendous influx of hot air emanating from the Woeful Office will fuel a new record high.
Jan 01
Innovation of the Year 2017
Free Wikipedia access to Iraq & Afghanistan
The leading mobile phone service providers in Iraq and, six months later, Afghanistan announce they will extend free Wikipedia Zero access to their subscribers. Could free access to “fact checked” education be the answer to blind faith fundamentalism and fanatics around the world? Is the pen truly mightier than the sword. Can education trump walls? Will smart phones outperform smart drones in the war on terror? Time will tell.
See the rest of the field at: Time Magazine Best Inventions of 2017
Jan 01
Movie of the Year 2017
The Hitman’s Bodyguard
Action that just keeps on coming with a just enough comedy to make it surreal. Fun (but only for that part of the family that is hip to the fact that motherf#@..! is just a quaint figure of speech).
Honorable Mention:
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle: One for the whole family.
Cries from Syria: A documentary that actually explains the inexplicable
What everyone else liked: Boxofficemojo.com’s Top Movies at the Box Office 2017
Jan 01
Song of the Year 2017
Better Me by Montgomery Gentry
Because a better world starts with a better me and, when it comes to opinions about what really is a year’s best song, that has always been all about “me to”.
Click or Tap here to have a listen.
Honorable mention:
One More Light by Linkin Park
Click or Tap here to have a listen.
Rich and Miserable by Kenny Chesney
Click or Tap here to have a listen.
Flotscrum’s Twenty-Twone Alternative for the Billbored for the Year 2017
Jan 01
Book of the Year 2017
No Winner
Nothing really stood out.
Honorable mention: The Strange Death of Europe by Douglas Murray
This is a feel good story gone bad. It tells the story of how Europe threw it’s doors open to a tsunami of Muslim “refugees (?)” without really thinking things through. Anyone who does not kowtow to the inflexibility of their new wards is branded a racist and told to go live somewhere elsewhere (by their new wards).
What the other guys liked: Goodreads.com Most Popular Books of 2017
Jan 01
Quote of the Year 2017
“That was some weird shit.”
— George W. Bush after Donald Trump’s inauguration speech.
Jan 01
Other Awards 2017
My “Spin Skater” or “Most Underpaid Person Ever” award goes to Sean Spicer
The Dodder’s Whitehouse Press Secretary lasted longer than most all of the President’s men, despite having the unenviable task of defending, if not explaining, the steady scream of twitterbabble emanating from the Woeful Office.
My “Trust Me, We Only Want to Protect You from Yourselves” award goes to the NSA & the Woeful Office
Exactly one day after the President announces a new Cyber Security executive order calling for greater government regulation (spying?) on internet traffic, a massive ransomware virus that was developed (and apparently lost) by America’s ultra super secret (NSA) police force infects computer systems around the world.
My “With Friends Like That…” award goes to Fakebook (and friends).
Speaking of being Putin the awkward position of friending the wrong horse, Fakebook, Google and Twitter find themselves wallowing in the rubles of last year’s presidential election. American Senators rake the companies for their failure to recognize that political ads and posts paid for with Russian rubles just might be an unfriendly state’s attempt to influence the outcome of the election. See more at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-41821359
Related Quote:
“Putin and I discussed forming an impenetrable cyber-security unit so that election hacking, and many other negative things, will be guarded and safe.
— Donald Trump, describing his positive talks with Russia’s president
Runner Up: My Friend Cayla doll
Smart German’s are encouraged to Chucky out their children’s Bluetooth enabled talking dolls on evidence that it represents a “concealed transmitting device” which is illegal under German telecoms law. Notwithstanding the toy’s potential illegal surveillance issues it has been proved that hackers (a.k.a. strangers) can speak directly to children.
Related Story: A Norwegian watchdog says ditto for Child safety smartwatches
My “I know You Are but What Am I” award goes to… “The Dodder”
The Dodder takes time off his busy schedule preparing to become the leader of the free world to partake in a little trash talk with Meryl Streep who, I guess, he felt might be the clear and present danger to world peace and America the Beautiful.
My “Dumbell Fleece Prize” goes to Smart(?) Phone iddicts
Canadians have flocked to Big Bro Bell’s fleecing agents in their March Hare preoccupation with walking dead into the coming robocalypse. One of my sources (a bartender) informed me that Bell told businesses that they would have to pay for maintenance and collections from payphones in their establishments if they wanted to keep them. That would account for my inability to find a pay-phone in any of the usual places; however, their removal from the front of the Bell offices reeks of a higher conspiracy. In all my travels I only encountered one individual (and‘e knows who ‘e is) that is not paying Big Bro Bell big bucks to: 1) stop maintaining an affordable communications network that is at our beck and call; and 2) replace it with their cash cow network that appears to have enslaved the world.
Related story: The Province of Ontario grabs a piece of the action by going all in on an advertising campaign for a video gambling app for smart(?) phones that can provide iddicts a more convenient, ubiquitous, 24/7 gambling experience. How lucky is that?
My “Fox in the Henhouse” award goes to Fox News.
Apparrotly, the Dodder sees a need to lay egg after egg on twitter based on his desire to preach the gospel according to Fox News and their own propensity for parroting, if not sensationalizing, “opinions” that are not always, in fact, checked by either their sources and/or Fox News.
Related Story: “Never try a hands on approach if you are all thumbs”
Even as he rails against news leaks, fake news agencies (a.k.a. anyone but Fox News), his intelligence agencies, his predecessors, or any other living thing that does not stoke and/or stroke his own intellectual humungitude, the Dodder appears to be thumbling the bail in spite of himself.
My “First Impressions are Craters” award goes to the Dodder Administration
America’s new custodian of the free world’s nuclear launch codes (and his closest advisors) melt down on their first day in office over the fact that the “fake” news agencies of the world did not think that his was, “the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration – period.”
Related Quote: “We feel compelled to go out and clear the air and put alternative facts out there.”
—White House senior adviser Kellyanne Conway (responding to criticism that the new administration was focusing on inauguration crowd sizes rather than on significant domestic and foreign policy issues).
My “Putin U(sa) At Ease” award goes to… Vladimir Putin
In an unpresidented act of Soviet/American cooperation, the Russian president comes to the defense of his American counterpart by categorically denying that he might have something on The Dodder. He stops short of Putin in a good word for America’s chosen one, who just can’t stop gushin on the Russian.
My “Photo Oops!” award goes to Saudi Arabia
It was a year of magmanimous gestures from some of the world’s leading misogynists but Saudi Arabia gets the nod over The Dodder Administration. Although The Dodder brain trust forgot to include any women in their the abortion policy announcement, “old boys” get a waiver for forgetfulness. The Saudi’s didn’t forget when they announced their unprecedented Qassim Girls Council, they simply asked the “girls” in question to chill in an adjoining chamber by video link.
My “Can’t Stand Her Man Award” award goes to… Johanna Watkins
What likely began with the requisite heavy petting and pet names of til death do us part, quickly morphed into a pet allergy on steroids for this Minnesota native who can no longer stand the smell of her husband. Although experts maintain that her condition is rare, others are predicting she could be patient zero to a more virulent “me to” pandemic’
My “Boys and Their Toys” award goes to “a very close [US] Ally“
The unnamed ally used a $3,000,000 patriot missile travelling at 5 times the speed of sound to shoot down a small quadcopter drone with an estimated cost of $200 and a top speed of 50 mph.
Meanwhile in Canada, Skyjet uses a $1.7 million turboprop passenger plane to ram home the importance of a more frugal response in the year’s escalating game of drones.
Runner Up: World’s First Monster Truck Front Flip
Lee O’Donnell becomes the first monster truck driver to successfully perform a front flip.
My “Hare and the Taurus” award goes to Tesla Motors
The electric car maker’s market valuation overtakes that of Ford. Apparently Ford’s (“Building the Better Buggy Whip” award winning) designs failed to become the apple of investor eyes’ with smart innovations like offering a larger windshield (and everything that surrounds it) than anyone else in the market.
My “Free The Prisoners, Jail The Guards” award goes to Equifax
Equifax, a credit history company that sells credit monitoring and fraud-prevention services directly to consumers exposes our personal information to hackers, not once, but twice through what some experts are describing as, “one of the biggest data breaches in history”. Their belated attempts to allow customers to determine whether their personal information was stolen proved to be, themselves hackable, as well as bald attempts at tricking customers into agreeing to terms that will limit the company’s liability and the customers options for redress.
My “Justice Free as Any Dictatorship” award goes to the US Department of Justice
An internet service provider (Dreamhost) refuses when the Department of Justice demands the IP addresses, email content, and pictures of 1.3 million visitors to a website that organized protests against The Dodder on the day of his inauguration.
My “We Thought Things Couldn’t Get Worse, but…” award goes to Twitter
Twitter announces it is doubling their message character limit from 140 to 280. Now users can support their jibber with some jabber.
Jan 01
Story of the Year 2016
Story of the Year 2016: “Donald Trump Madoff with the American Election after borrowing a page adolph Der Führer’s, ‘Make [your country’s name here] Great Again’ playbook”
Nobody but the National Inquirer, it’s enlightened readers, and pre-WWII Germany would have predicted the outcome of what was probably one of history’s most bizarre election campaigns.
Here is an excerpt from the page that was borrowed adolph the above-mentioned playbook:
“… with a population suffering from poverty, misery, and uncertainty, amid increasing political instability… In his speeches, Hitler offered the Germans what they needed most, encouragement. He gave them heaps of vague promises while avoiding the details. He used simple catchphrases, repeated over and over. His campaign appearances were carefully staged events. Audiences were always kept waiting, deliberately letting the tension increase…Hitler began each speech in low, hesitating tones, gradually raising the pitch and volume of his voice then exploding in a climax of frenzied indignation. He combined this with carefully rehearsed hand gestures for maximum effect. He skillfully played on the emotions of the audience bringing the level of excitement higher and higher until the people wound up a wide-eyed, screaming, frenzied mass that surrendered to his will and looked upon him with pseudo-religious adoration.
Hitler offered something to everyone: work to the unemployed; prosperity to failed business people; profits to industry; expansion to the Army; social harmony and an end of class distinctions to idealistic young students; and restoration of German glory to those in despair. He promised to bring order amid chaos; a feeling of unity to all and the chance to belong. He would make Germany strong again; end payment of war reparations to the Allies; tear up the treaty of Versailles; stamp out corruption; keep down Marxism; and deal harshly with the Jews.”
source: www.historyplace.com
That’s right folks, Melania was not the only Trump that was prone to recycling the ideas of others.
Jan 01