2008 is posthumously declared the International Year of the International Years. Meanwhile, not to be outdone, 2009 is dubbed the International Year of 700 billion other things.
Legislators of the world “get smart” and order people who must use their cell phones to do so only within the confines of enclosed, lead-lined “cones of silence” that will be erected on every street corner.
Alberta and Saskatchewan jointly discover that the remnants of last year’s meteor phenomena that fell on and around their border contains an extraterrestrial element, one grain of which can be used to convert an entire years supply of the worlds pollution into fresh air while giving off as a bi-product of that reaction an equal quantity of pre-refined smokeless gasoline and fresh drinking water that comes already enclosed in edible plastic bottles that possess a new enzyme that also cures cancer, malaria and the common cold. Suddenly those two “Have” Provinces are upgraded to “Have all the Luck too” Provinces.
In a bid to bolster their sagging product lines with something completely different that will be more appealing to the market, General Motors uses the billions of new seed dollars that they extorted from taxpayers everywhere to acquire Caterpillar’s monster dump truck division. The first 1000 trucks roll off the assembly line just in time to be driven (not flown) to Washington by the CEOs of the (now) Really, Really Big Three. They are backed up to the doors of the Federal Reserve with orders that they be loaded with the 700 billion tons of gold required to fund their soon to be perfected electric (windshield wiper) motors.
In a related prediction: The Big Three auto makers of America are renamed the “GMmeani Crime Cartel” in deference to the number of “wise guys” that are running those operations and their deft use of extortion.
In an attempt to get back into the black, countries all around the globe follow America’s lead and elect black leaders of their own. China and Russia are notable exceptions insomuch as they prefer the color red.
The North American Record Industry unveils a new anti piracy business model that actually generates record profits while, at the same time, succeeding where every government and/or superpower in history has failed. They eliminate the threat of piracy on the high seas by replacing ships foghorns with modern music ringtones. Two or three blasts are all that any bucann ear (Somali or otherwise) can stomach before turning tail.
Those who can still afford the cars (that they had already purchased once before through their tax dollar bailout of the automotive industry and then a second time through their tax dollar bailout of the banks so they will lend to car dealerships and the consumers who want to purchase said cars) start dying in droves as the bridges, tunnels and parking garages collapse around their ears leading to more bankruptcies and bailouts of financial institutions as the world’s insurance giants cannot keep up with the consequent life and damage claims.
When they realize that the taxpayers of the world can no longer support their habit, and in full anticipation that they might be asked to pay some of their globillion dollar bailouts back when they announce this year’s round of record profits, Bankers everywhere bypass the Cayman Islands and Switzerland to relocate their offices in Somalia, the only state on the planet where their brand of piracy and extortion are still considered virtues.