Tag Archive: 2005 Year in Review

(Hurting) Headitor’s note:  Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my ^wrec_kollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy.  You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.

Traveling in high (and dry) style on top of a barge, one of Canada’s previously loved submarines,the HMSC Chicoutimi, arrives in Halifax Harbour on February 1, 2005. It is expected to take a year to unload the sub and another year to repair the fire damage and upgrade the weapons systems (but at least those Danish depth charges won’t find it as long as it continues traveling above sea level).

Canadian Parliament (and the media) makes sure that the majority of their time is spent on minority issues such as same sex marriage.

The lead story about the new Canada War Museum which is opened on the 60^th anniversary of Victory in Europe (VE) day is about the “fruit machine,” a device used during the cold war to determine whether soldiers had homosexual tendencies.

Liberals hang on by a skirt when Belinda Stronach jumps ship to join the Liberals (or rather avoid joining the Bloc Quebecois).

Wendy’s stock and sales plummet when an American woman allegedly finds a severed human finger in her chilli.  When the con is exposed a Wendy’s spokesperson announces the outcome was never in question.

(Hurting) Headitors Note: Forensic specialists agree claiming that, according to their overall findings, “There is as much chance of finding a human finger in their chilli as there is in finding chicken in their chicken fingers.”

It was nothing like his first fairy tale wedding to Princess Diana, but Prince Charles did manage to mark 2005 with an upbeat marriage to his long-time friend and sweetheart, Lady Camilla Bowles-Parker.  Alas, although still a prince,  it was Sir Elton John’s same sex marriage to his long-time friend that would get the royal/fairy tale treatment this time around.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan was scrambling to respond to allegations that top UN managers helped Saddam Hussein skim huge sums of money from the organization’s $67 billion dollar Oil for Food program in Iraq.  Allegations surround reports of UN agents who bargained with Saddam on behalf of an Oil company run by an Egyptian relative of former UN secretary general Boutros Boutros-Ghali and of a lucrative oil-for-food contract landed by a company who Kofi Annan’s son Kojo was working for.

Canada Post returns 46,500 renewal notices to Gun Registry marked Address Unknown.

On news that they (bombardiaid) are being challenged or at least are not the definite winners of a $1 billion, 20 year Department of Defense flight training contract as its entering the final bid evaluation stage, a Vice President of what Quebec Liberals are (once again) calling a “financially ailing Bombardier” stated that, “…if we were Americans everyone would be pushing the successful company, but Canadians can’t get their minds around success.  There must be something wrong if a company is successful, so I guess everyone feels good now that Bombardier’s kind of on the ropes.”