Predictions for the Year 2022
All Religions, Governments, and insurance companies the world over agree that pandemics and climate change will now be classified as Acts of God. Fox News and the Republican Party implode when this leads to the evaporation of their base of evangelical, climate denier, and antivaxxer movements.
High temperatures influence haute couture when, on the heels of (and buoyed by) last year’s news that the Arctic is logging Mediterranean temperatures of 38C (100F), hip waders become the newest must have fashion accessory to flood the market.
Canada’s Band of Others, four soldiers who refused to get vaccinated on the grounds that it was a government plot to exterminate 98% of its army, win their appeal and are assigned to a new Canadian Cavalry Unit called the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse. Their new orders are to surrender themselves to the first enemy they find.
The Canadian Armed Forces loses all credibility when its soldiers learn that they needn’t follow any order that is not first vetted by the Supreme Court.
A group of Albertans accused of starting the Fort MacMurray Wildfire of 2016 as a result of the sun beating off of their tinfoil Stetsons, deny everything including the fact that there ever was a fire.
Everyone found to have not voted or the self-acclaimed dictator of Belarus in the last election is executed. The American Billy Bob (Evan Neuman) who fled there to avoid being prosecuted for his role in the US Capitol insurrection was (free) speechless when asked how he liked his new home now.
Fox Media accidentally prevents another crippling Texas freeze when they send their entire crew of hot-headed climate denying hoaxpeople to broadcast their diatribes and hot air on location. Texas registers high temperatures (at least in the areas closest to those Fox personalitics) that are dangerously close to highs not previously seen outside of Death Valley
Wisconsin introduces hunting licenses for privileged youngsters who want to go looking for trouble with semi-automatic assault rifles. In anticipation that there might be an outside chance that more than a lot of people could get Kyled, the associated bag limit is set at 2 Kyles per young buck.
The State of Wisconsin finds it impossible to charge anyone with murder because all the perps claim they were the real victims who only Kyled their alleged victims out of the fear of what they might do if they managed to disarm them.
Texas authorizes the sale of firearms via vending machine.
Hundreds die in British Columbia when an F5 waterspout touches down on a containership laden with kitchen sinks in the Port of Vancouver. The victims who were attending an international Climate Deniers Convention on the waterfront were unable to find shelter from the torrents of kitchen sinks that began raining down on them.
When Mark Zuckerberg unveils a radical new line of Meta-T smart glasses that will form the foundation of his metaverse, market analysts are not surprised when he announces the Meta-T can be ordered with lenses in any color so long as it is rose-colored.
