The Good News: In the fall of 2015, Canadians will no longer be worrying about ISIS, ebola, global warming, bedbugs, the boogie man, or when the next Apple iPhone will be released and how far up our butt it will go before we get all bent out of shape. The Bad News: We will be too busy being terrified of what will happen if we vote for “anyone” courtesy of attack ad campaigns that will fill every media headline, sound bite and/or advertisement with vitriol and “anti- other guy” hate mongering.
Denmark wins their claim over the North Pole when post offices around the world send the United Nations Law of the Sea Tribunal almost a billion letters to Santa Clause that are asking him to bring Lego blocks for Christmas.
The Canadian government saves the day (and money) by scavenging parts from the recently discovered Franklin Expedition ship-wreck to fit out the Canadian navy’s new Arctic Command destroyer.
The Canadian Armed Forces file for divorce from Canada on the grounds that they can no longer live with the irreconcilable differences between what their country’s Prime Minister claims he will provide and the actual facts.
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Little Green men of unknown origin spill over the North Pole into Northern Saskatchewan and Alberta in an attempt to protect the Russian-Ukranian minorities there (and their oil). Canada responds by changing the name of its signature french fry recipe from poutine to “Putin-Getoutski”.
Russian President Putin is awarded a Nobel Peace Prize (and a contract for armed icebreakers from France) for his selfless devotion to land reclamation and the green movement.
Canadian rebels disguised as green men dump a shipload of tim-bits in Boston Harbour. Meanwhile, dough-eyed politicians everywhere are russian to waggle fingers and levy trade sanctions after what headlines have dubbed the “Boston Cream Party.”
Samsung engineers win Noble Peace Prize for their Robutt and the idea that those ubiquitous bi-social dumb-asses can now safely shove their annoying smart phones where they belong.