Other Awards 2018

My “She Too” award goes to… Amelia Earhart

Experts are now 99% certain that bones discovered on a pacific island in 1940 were those of Amelia Earhart. Although they cannot be 100% sure without those actual bones which have become lost again, we can now at least debunk the mrogynistic myth that, although women might get lost sometimes, only men can get lost all of the time.

My “Ugly to the Bone” award goes to Facebook 

The ugly [in]side of Facebook was exposed as it was being publicly called out and skinned alive all over the world.  Who’da thunk that the beauty of a product that was initially designed to rate who was hot on campus would only be skin deep.  Oh well, their “thick skin” response to a tsunami of criticism across 2018 could be an indication that at least they are not also shallow.

My “Badder than Bad News” award goes to the Gulf of Oman

Despite its continued growth to 8,776 square miles (it’s now the size of New Jersey), the Gulf of Mexico off the coast of Louisiana is no longer the largest dead zone on the planet. That title must be passed to another massive zone of low dissolved oxygen in the Gulf of Oman south of Iran.  At 63,000 square miles (the size of Florida) it is seven times larger than last year’s champ. Ironically last year’s champ that has decimated the Louisiana shrimp fishery is now a shrimp by comparison.

My “What? Well I Never!” award goes to the Woeful Office

America’s tariffically, business savvy Chess Master-in-Chief is awash with righteous indignation and surprise when China responds to his opening move in a trade war to end all wars by levying some counter tariffs of their own.  Many more will follow as the Dodder trades “twittariffs” with everyone else in the world too.

My “Missouri Needs a New Slogan” award goes to belief systems

Believe it or not, it’s no longer just what you hear and read that is suspect, new technology “shows me” everything we see is sketchy too.

My “Capital Idea” award goes to Communist China.

The Peoples Republic of China are continuing to replace workers with more (and more advanced) robots.  Note:  The one doing all the talking in this video is not the robot (…I think).

My “For Korean Out Loud” award goes to the “Nut Rage” Sisters

Two crazy rich Asian Korean Air Executives are fired by the CEO, their dad, for going nuts at their work place.

My “Peace Surprise” award goes to… North & South Korea  

Although many still doubt the sincerity of North Korea’s promise of nuclear disarmament, no one can deny that this year’s unprecedented cooperation and face to face meetings between the Korean leaders represents a major first step to peace on the Korean Peninsula.

My “Pop goes the Populism” award goes to Ontario Premier Doug Ford

Apparently Ontarians were too busy snickering at the goings on south of the 49^th to pay attention to their own backyard. It’s Monkey See Monkey Dope meets the Butterfly Effect when a lunatic Toronto mayor emboldens a lunatic American president that in turn emboldens a Lunatic Ontario premier (and a host of other lunatics the world over) to believe that only they know how to make everything great again. They are clearly wrong and Sir Winston Churchill who (allegedly) said, “the best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter” was clearly right.

My “Dumbell Peace Meddle” award goes to… The Dodder 

America’s Megalomeddler-in-Chief showed the world exactly why he was (or was not) so successful in all of his past real-estate ventures. Although he was selling his decision to move the US Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem as a long overdue step to advance the Middle East peace process, it immediately sparked protests that led to 58 dead Palestinians and another 2400 wounded.

My “Stop! Bang! or I’ll Shoot’” award goes to a Jury in Florida

A jury weighing the facts of a wrongful death suit over a policeman’s 2014 shooting of a man accused of playing loud music in his garage, decide the victim was 99% to blame because he was so clearly intoxicated.  The victim’s family is awarded $4 in damages (a dollar to the mother for funeral costs and another dollar for each of his three children).

My “Shape of Things to Come” award goes to Gerrymandering

American democracy continues to spiral out of control as they continue to accept a system that allows their politicians to select who votes for them as opposed to the other way around.  Yes, despite waning support with the masses, He-who-cannot-be-believed and his Republican cohorts can sit pretty while their opponents are seeking therapy in the ugly inkblots that are their allotted electoral districts.  The jury may still be out on whether the Americans will ever wake up and take back their freedom to choose, but so long as the gerrymander is still out there, the outcome of their elections will always be preordained.

My “Most Fake Orgasms” award goes to any one of the talking heads at Fox News (on any given day)

Fox News will always be my go to guy for a “fairly unhinged” alternative to the real world news networks.

My “Lie Me a River” award goes to President Donald Trump

Hard to believe but someone (Daniel Dale, a Canadian reporter) is actually keeping count.  Oh well, at least no one can say you can’t count on America’s Confounder-in-Chief for something.

My “Heinous Envy” award goes to Yep! Him Again

Always one to hang with the enemies of free speech (lest it be free of criticism to his regime), America’s Conspiracy Theorist-in-Chief does not dick around when he comes out in support of giving Saudi Prince MBS a hall-pass for the alleged murder of Saudi newspaper reporter Jamal Khashoggi.  Just two months earlier he seemed to have other thoughts when he called those allegations, “the worst cover-up in the history of coverups.”

My Two Negatives Make a Positive award goes to Same Guy as above, and above that, and…

Finally, something positive from the woeful office. America’s Conspiracy Theorist-in-Chief is “POSITIVE” Google and the other internet tech firms are conspiring to return only those stories and tweets that paint him in a negative light.  This, his latest negative attack on (everyone else’s) reality, is replete with loosely veiled threats of state censorship for news and the internet.  Coincidentally, this positively negative attack on negative Trump stories makes waves as our hero is being outed by his lawyer for conspiring to buy (but, apparently, not suppress) all the negative dirt The National Inquirer had on him.