My “Aparrotly We Were Mistaken” award goes to… Australian Search & Rescue Officials.
Every morning for the better part of a month we wake up to the same Australian search and rescue spokes-mate’s assurances that they are very close to finding the final resting place of the missing Malaysian airliner’s black box.
My “Holey Royal Identity Crisis, Fatman!” award goes to… Burger King
While all eyes are on Scotland’s struggle to escape the clutches of the United Kingdom, a creepy American king sneaks in and steals Canada’s crown jewels.
Burger King is now the proud owner of Tim Horton’s.
My “Rock Paper Scissors Umbrellas, Thanks” award goes to… China.
Hong Kong protesters weathered a steady diet of tear gas and pepper spray with their umbrellas as a new not so Reddy (to call in the tanks) China reined in their desire to rain down on the dissenters’ parades.
My “We Put the NO innovation” award goes to… Apple Inc
Apple Inc engineers just phone it in when they introduce their new iPhone 6 that features a… bigger screen. Shortly after lining up to get their hands on this exciting new technical twist the new owners and, more importantly their smart phones, become bummed out when they learn they are not backside compatible.
My “Butt Wait, There’s More” award goes to… Samsung
While Apple owners are all bent out of shape, Samsung’s bottom line gets a boost when they unveil their innovative Buttbot which is specially designed to sit on their phone so you won’t have to.
My “Tallest Tail of the Year” award goes to… the European Space Agency.
ESA scientists confirmed how hard it is to find a parking spot on the run-up to Christmas when they successfully landed a space (probe) on Comet 67P (after circling around for a decade and 4 billion miles.
My “Oh Canada…What Were You Thinking Award” award goes to… Candu Energy
During PM Stephen Harper’s state visit to China, Candu Energy, a division of SNC-Lavalin inked a joint venture with China that will see their nuclear reactors built and exported from China. The Canadian Candu reactors boast one of the safest designs in the world today and after 2013’s Fukushima meltdown in Japan, all roads should now be leading to Candu. So why not offshore their production and share the design specs with a highly ethical business partner like China? On a (two negatives make a) positive note, SNC Lavalin (Candu’s parent) has a wealth of experience with scandal, corruption and working with shady dictators, so maybe this story will have a happy ending after all.
My “ What the huh award!“ award goes to… Canada’s Ruling Conservative Party
They attempt to snow the public and their veterans with carefully obfuscated press release claiming they will acknowledge our war veterans’ sacrifice with a substantial (if you overlook the insubstantial fine print saying it will be doled out as instalments over 50 years) influx of cash to cover their ongoing medical needs.
My “Ernie & Bert’s Heads of State” award goes to… N. Korean godling Kim Jong-un