(Hurting) Headitor’s note:  Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my ^wrec_kollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy.  You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.

Old School Search & Rescue

The Royal Canadian Air Force needs to search & rescue previously loved parts from, dare I say, antiquated museum pieces to keep Canada’s ailing Search and Rescue aircraft in the air.

“The former head of military procurement, Dan Ross, says it’s embarrassing that the air force has to “cannibalize old stuff that’s in museums” to keep up its rescue planes – eight Hercules and six Buffaloes – which are apparently on their last wings. The planes respond to thousands of emergencies every year. The government has been promising since 2002 to replace the planes, but has kept putting it off to make sure it’s “getting the purchase right”, the Citizen says.”

source: BBC News from elsewhere

 “Yo Fault Insurance Fuels C’monUS Manifesto“

Other western nations exhibit an unlimited supply of demands for more American military aggression by putin the blame for all of the conflict in the world last year on (12.2 millionaire) President Barack Obama’s lack of will to respond with American military might.  Why didn’t he intervene after Russia’s billionaire president and his billionaire politburo cronies orchestrated the invasion of Czechoslovakia Ukrain?  Why didn’t he do more to stop billionaire Middle-Eastern presidents from bombing and gassing their own people?  Shouldn’t the Americans be spending more to track down the terrorists funded by billionaire middle-eastern magnate’s?  Bottom Line: “Whining the War on Terror is more profitable than winning.”  In the eyes of the billionaires of the world: more war =  more profits; more economic sanctions = fewer billionaires.

Related Quote:  “We’ll see if the Russians behave badly”

— French President François Hollande announcing they will go ahead and deliver the first of two new war ships to Russia.

“All Dreams of Freedom 45 are Kilt by the Other 55%.”

The United Kingdom skirts disaster and very nearly loses its head (or at least its highland where all of it’s brains, brawn and dreamy ladies’ romance novel characters live).

“Fine China of the Technical Kind Not Best Fit for a Moon Landing”

China takes gold for the most expensive virtual selfie’s ever snapped.  After some early start-up issues, their Chang’e 3 lander and Yutu rover managed to take pictures of each other and will commence their respective science missions once their scientists overcome a “mechanical control abnormality” caused by the “complicated lunar surface environment.”

“They Won’t Bug You as Much if You Eat Them First”

Lose the lobster and shun that sushi, there’s a nouveau dining delicacy in town.

NY City chef Mario Hernandez says, “We rescue forgotten recipes from every state in Mexico and bring them to New York with a new twist. Many use insects like grasshoppers, stinkbugs, leaf-­cutter ants, and mosquito eggs.”

“ Arrr! Bae, Can You Pass Me the Popcorn?”

Even as the Swedish Police finally manage to sink Pirate Bay, a replacement “pops” onto the scene.  Popcorn Time, a file-sharing and streaming site, has been dubbed Netflix for Pirates.  Regardless,  Popular Science Magazine has identified its ability to, “instantly and easily stream a movie while the site locates and downloads the file in the background” as one of its top 100 innovations of 2014.

“Science Unravels the Mystery of Wife”

In his book, The Organized Mind: Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload, neuroscientist and psychologist, Dr. Daniel J. Levitin referenced an“… inventory of a typical household that counted 2,260 visible objects in just the living room and two bedrooms. All that clutter creates stress—particularly in women, he says—and the release of the hormone cortisol, which, in turn, can lead to cognitive impairment, fatigue and even a suppressed immune system.”

Say…nay, buy no more.

See the whole story here.

“Thumbthing’s Wrong With This Hitcher!”

While other space programs are seeking life in the cosmos, Canadian scientists chose a road more travelled (and at the same time, redefined the concept of “thumbdrive”).  Simultaneously press {Ctrl} & click here to meet Hitchbot.

Scientists are nervously racking their brains to make sense of this picture that was snapped over the course of the probe’s 3 week, 6000km journey.   Is there intelligent life out there?  You be the judge.

“Franklin My Dear, Search & Rescue Isn’t What It Used To Be.

Canada established the gold standard for search and rescue efforts in the past year when they “found” the wreckage of “one” of two Franklin expedition vessels that have been missing for 166 years.  Meanwhile, there is still no sign of two missing airliners that disappeared last year and we are not sure if anyone is looking for the growing number of Nigerian school girls (330 at last count) that have been abducted.

“Canada Not Viking the Danes’ Refusal to Lego Our North Pole”

Denmark formally laid claim to the North Pole on the grounds (albeit mostly under water) that it is attached to Greenland’s continental shelf by a ridge that is roughly 20 times the size of Denmark.  The ultimate owner will be decided by a United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea tribunal.

“An Apple Per Diem Keeps the Obstetrician Away”

Apple & FaceBook innovate gender equality by offering to pay their female employees the cost of freezing their eggs in order to allow them to pursue their  careers. The jury is still out on whether anyone will “like” this announcement.