Jan 01
NFL Thursday Night Football: A namby-pamby fop cites ad nauseam the reasons why everyone should consider tuning in to NFL Thursday Night Football.
Runner up: Not to be outdone, TSN force feeds Canadians a backwater finger nails on chalkboard invitation to meander drunkenly across the Canadian tundra to see the 100th Grey Cup football championship in Toronto.
Jan 01
360o Travel : The majesty of nature and travel through the triumph of technology edged out my runners up as, although equally educational and thought provoking, they were a little hard on my sagging sense of being.
Runners up:
Scale of the Universe: Try this in lieu of diet if you are resolving to feel smaller in the New Year.
History of the World in Two Minutes: Its Dust in the Wind meets Attention Deficit Disorder
What everyone else was watching: youtubes-top-ten-viral-videos-of-2012
Jan 01
“It’s what I have always said as of today, you can’t be an action movie when you’re always running away.”
— Thing 1 after suffering through The Bourne Legacy, another of Hollywood’s many attempts of late to stretch a short story into a trillogy.
Runner up:
“The Conference Board of Canada estimates that in 2013 the pandas alone will result in a 5.3 per cent increase in our Gross Domestic Adorability. That should be enough to ensure Canada leads the G8 not only in “cuddly” but also in “wuddly.” Your move, economic turmoil.“
– MacLean’s Humour Columnist Scott Feschuk on the PMs alleged diplomatic coupe which resulted in China offering to “rent” two Panda Bears to Canada
Jan 01
I asked my girlfriend, “Can you please get me a newspaper?”
“Don’t be silly,” she replied, “you can borrow my iPad.”
That fly never knew what hit it …
Jan 01
New York and the Eastern Seaboard of the United States melt-down in a rain storm that is merely a punctuation point on one of the hottest years on record worldwide. Are the rain storms getting worse? Well let me just tell you sunny, “When I was your age, I had to walk barefoot across the living room to switch the channel.” For shame! Life’s a (Sandy) Beach when Global Warmnings shift from apocalypse to baseball rain delays.
Shortly after their Yangtze river turns an unprecedented shade of red, Canadian authorities endorse a $15.1 billion take-over in the Canadian oil sands by a state owned Chinese drilling company. I guess they never red the flood of articles polluting China’s environmental record because they were too busy rationalizing the bad ink surrounding China’s human rights policy (or lack thereof). Move over Manitoba, there’s a new Red River on the Canadian horizon.
Michigan Police found the dead man’s mummified remains sitting upright in the living room. His roommate said she kept his remains clean and dressed and talked to the body often, especially when “they” watched auto racing. She admits cashing his benefit checks since his death in 2010 (or six months ago by her estimate).
With the American sub-prime mortgage melt-down fresh (and Eurogeddon foremost) in everyone’s mind, Canadians manage to roll their household debt up to an average of $1.53 for every dollar they brought in – just below where the U.S. was before its housing crash.
This wood burning(?) energy generation device is voted recreational innovation of the year by Popular Science. Now everyone can go out and play even if they don’t want to get away from IT all.
Jan 01
Jan 01
The global economic picture continues to develop poorly. Kodak files for bankruptcy protection in January. Later in the year Hostess follows suit, prompting fear that it might even be the end of the road (if not the world) for the Twinkie, America’s vaunted post-apocalyptic food staple.
Jan 01
Scientists everywhere become unglued with news that a God Particle “might” have been created in the Large Hadron Collider. The rest of our heads explode with a “Big Bang” as we try to understand why this is such a big deal and/or exactly what it means. In a prepared press release we are enlightened by news that, “It’s important to realize it’s not responsible for most of the mass we are made of, but it’s involved in the mass of fundamental particles.“
Jan 01
In an attempt at pandering to the Chinese for investment designed to balance Canada’s trade deficit, Stephen Harper claims victory after securing the rights to “rent” two giant pandas from the Chinese. In return he opens our kimonoil-sands to Chinese takeover.
Jan 01
Face book goes public, then loses face followed by its shirt.