Category Archive: 2009

The Chinese called it the Year of the Ox. The United Nations dubbed 2009 the International Year of Astronomy (and the International Year of the Natural Fibres). It was the year that Barbie turned 50. The Montreal Canadiens hockey team turned 100 years old (and they acted their age) last year. 2009 also marked the 100^th anniversary of:

Plastic
The Electric Toaster
The Cigarette Lighter
The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP)
The Lincoln Penny
The First Powered Flight in Canada (the Silver Dart, in Baddeck, N.S.)
The Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost
The Grey Cup Canadian Football Championship
Leon’s furniture Store

All in all it was a good year if you believe in the old adage that “no news is good news”. The little Dutch girl didn’t get to sail around the world. The little American Balloon boy didn’t really disappear in a weather balloon. Michael Jackson didn’t deliver on his comeback tour. The Canadian reenactment of the Battle of Plains of Abraham didn’t happen and Obama didn’t end any wars, famine or global warming (but did win a Nobel Peace prize for what he could conceivably do given the opportunity …maybe). Is it any wonder all the news and media giants found themselves in hock to the point of closing stations and selling off their newspaper holdings?

Tags: 2009 Year in Review, Prologue

Jan 01

Story of the Year for 2009

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U.S. Congress slaps 90% Tax on bailout bonuses

After the CEO of troubled Insurance Giant AIG responded to public outrage and a U.S. Congressional Hearing with little more than a shrug and the assurance that he would do his best to encourage his executives to give back half of their $165 million in bonus money, it took Congress just 40 minutes to vote decisively in favour of imposing a 90% tax on the millions of dollars in employee bonuses paid by AIG and any other companies that were bailed out by the American taxpayer. In a statement issued by the White House, President Obama said the House vote “rightly reflects the outrage that so many feel over the lavish bonuses that AIG provided its employees at the expense of the taxpayers who have kept this failed company afloat.” AIG received $182.5 billion in federal bailout money and is now 80 per cent government-owned.

Tags: 2009 Year in Review, Awards, Story of the Year

Jan 01

Feel Good Story of the Year 2009

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US Airways Flight 1549

After tangling with a rogue flock of Canada Geese, Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger saved the lives of all 155 passengers and crew of US Airways Flight 1549 when he successfully crash landed on the Hudson River. The entire crew of Flight 1549 was later awarded the Master’s Medal of the Guild of Air Pilots and Air Navigators. The award citation read, “This emergency ditching and evacuation, with the loss of no lives, is a heroic and unique aviation achievement.”

Jan 01

Sleeper Story of the Year 2009

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Photo finish at the Supreme Court of Canada

A divided Supreme Court of Canada ruled that a group of Alberta Hutterites do not have a “religious right” to obtain drivers licenses without photographs. The Hutterites believe that photos are “graven images” and therefore must be prohibited under the Second Commandment. The Court ruled that “Freedom of Religion is a right. Driving is a privilege – one trumped in this case by the security needs of the larger society.” Hard to say where this one is going. On surface it sounds like it might have possibilities (yet some of my brain cells are wondering if another drink is really in order).

Tags: 2009 Year in Review, Awards, Sleeper

Jan 01

Innovation of the Year 2009

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The Lung Flute

There was lots of ink in the area of breakthroughs (with potential) of the green kind that I can only pretend to understand (when I am pickled), but I have to give the nod this year to a quasi-medicinal invention that has an immediate and affordable household application. A couple of puffs on the Lung Flute promise to clear the lungs of all of that pesky mucus that is quite often the most annoying part of your common cold and countless other more chronic and debilitating conditions.

Honourable mention: X-Flex a new, blast proof wallpaper that is possibly stronger than the wall it is designed to protect. Unfortunately, given the nature of things today, I suspect this might be the most game-ready and immediate of all of the potential life saving innovations that were introduced in 2009.

Canadian Runner Up: The Province of Ontario announces that it will begin teaching students in Grades 4 through 12 the basics of managing their money.

Tags: 2009 Year in Review, Awards, Innovation of the Year

Jan 01

Stupidest Story of the Year 2009

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Scotland releases Locherbie bomber on Compassionate grounds

Blah Blah [his full name is longer than his “intended” prison sentence] Megrahi, who was serving a life sentence for 270 counts of murder in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, was released by Scottish Authorities after being diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer and only 3 months to live. Intelligent Scots everywhere are rolling over in their graves. Hard to believe the progeny of a race known for their intelligence and inventiveness could fail so horribly to connect the dots on this one – i.e. lets release a convicted Bomber who has already killed 270 so he can die a slow painful death (unless of course he decides to end it quickly with a bang). Perhaps “life” in Gaelic means life minus 3 months or maybe, and more likely, the rocket scientists behind this decision were actually the spawn of some inbred British Noble and his favorite lowland Scottish ewe [Update: Now, five months later the (should be) dead man walking, has been released from his Libyan hospital and is living at his family’s villa].

Jan 01

Revelation of the Year 2009

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“Something ventured, next to nothing gained”

The Toronto Stock Exchange Composite Index peaked 10 years ago in 2000 at 11,300 points. Today, after its biggest one year gain in the history of the market, the index sits at 11,746 points. If my math is correct (and right now I wouldn’t bank on anything so speculative) that would mean that for every $1000 I had invested against that index in 2000, I would be sitting here today with a whopping return of about $39 (of course that would assume that there was zero inflation between then and now and zero bank and brokerage fees). In retrospect, I should probably have stuffed all my cash into a mattress, purchased a lot more beer and then returned the empties for a bigger windfall. I am not complaining though. Ten years ago, Bill Gates was the richest man in the world with an estimated net worth of $60 billion. Today he is still the richest man in the world but his estimated net worth is only $40 billion – must suck to be Bill (I’m way better off than that loser. Praise the Lord and pass the champagne).

Runner Up: During World War II, Japan was experimenting on Prisoners of War to develop the perfect germ warfare delivery system — insects. With a budget rivaling that of the American Manhattan Project, Japan’s covert Unit 731 killed more people in China ^(580,000) than were killed in Japan by the two Atomic Bombs over Hiroshima ^(140,000) and Nagasaki ^(80,000), combined. Shiro Ishii, the ruthless head of the unit, retired on a full military pension as neither he nor any of his men saw the inside of a war crimes courtroom. Moreover, all but one of the heads of the Japanese National Institute of Health between 1947 and 1983 had served in Unit 731.

Tags: 2009 Year in Review, Awards, Revelation

Jan 01

Statistic of the Year 2009

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Lake Winnipeg, the world’s tenth-biggest lake, isolated, ringed by pristine Boreal forest, tucked far away from industry and major population centres, has become the sickest big lake in Canada. A putrid green mat or “algal bloom”, twice the size of P.E.I. and clearly visible from space, is jaw-dropping evidence of an ecosystem in deep trouble – and the culprit is … [insert maniacal organ solo here] …come on take a guess … it’s the pigs, stupid (they were everywhere in 2009). Manitoba’s so-called “hog boom,” has seen the number of hogs in the Red River Valley watershed swill to 8.2 million. Those not so little piggies are dumping an annual shitload that would equal the excrement from at least 30 million humans. The Red River Valley, contributes 66 per cent of Lake Winnipeg’s phosphorus load. Meanwhile, Alberta, the western limit of the lake’s catchment area, has another eight million head of hogs and cattle. It gets worse – Lake Winnipeg is considered “just the tip of the iceberg.” This condition called “Eutrophication” is the No. 1 water quality issue on the planet (some of you may remember when a toxic bloom in the Yellow Sea at Qingdao nearly halted the sailing events at the previous year’s Beijing Summer Olympics).

Source: Canada’s Sickest Lake, MacLeans magazine August 20, 2009

Tags: 2009 Year in Review, Awards, Statistic of the Year

Jan 01

Dirty Little Secret of the Year

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Ford takes mileage to new lengths. The only American Automaker that did not go into bankruptcy protection during 2009 has wowed the market with their more fuel efficient models but…what they save on the road is spent warming up in the driveway and driving around looking for a place to park because the dopes made their vehicles too long to fit into your average garage.

Jan 01

Re-run of the Year

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Canadian PM Stephen Harper

He prorogues parliament, again. One year after dodging what appeared to be the end of days for his party by invoking an obscure never before used Rules of Parliament technicality, PM Harper does it again. Embroiled in a nothing good can come of this request from Parliament (a.k.a. the elected voice of the people) to provide them with information on the Afghan PoW question, Harper asks the Governor General to prorogue (dissolve) Parliament until such time as the Winter Olympics (?!???) end in March 2010.