Category Archive: 2003

Another year (and another bottle) has come and gone and once again I find myself struggling through the mists of time (and that bottle) to make some sense of it all.

The United Nations dubbed 2003 the International Year of Freshwater. As if to underline the importance of said commodity, 2003 served up the 3^rd hottest year in the history of man (or at least since accurate records were started in 1861). It was marked by sweltering drought across large swaths of the planet including Europe where thousands (most of them in France) would die in prolonged heat waves at temperatures in excess of 104^o Fahrenheit. Coincidentally, 2003 also marked the 100^th anniversary of the ice cream cone.

Sit back and fasten your seatbelt as I try to read between the lines (I find it’s always easier when I’m seeing double) to unravel the real stories behind the events of the past year.

Tags: 2003 Year in Review, Prologue

Jan 01

Story of the Year 2003

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Too close to call, but I will venture the road less traveled and give, at least honorable mention, to the Great North-Eastern Blackout. The event itself was nothing more than an interesting inconvenience. It is the history leading up to the event, and the intrigue surrounding the aftermath that makes this the story that could have resounding implications depending how it continues to unfold.

Tags: 2003 Year in Review, Awards, Headlines, Story of the Year

Jan 01

Most Ridiculous (or at least the looniest) Headline of the Year 2003

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“Strong loonie leads experts to predict economic woe for Canada”

I still have no idea how California’s election of Arnold Schwarzenegger to the office of Governor will have any impact on our economy.

Tags: 2003 Year in Review, Awards, Headlines

Jan 01

Headlines you won’t see in those mainstream Year-end Reviews 2003

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(Hurting) Headitor’s note: Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my ^wrec_kollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy. You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.

Jan 01

“World celebrates 100th anniversary of powered flight”

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2003 ushered in the 100^th anniversary of the Wright Brothers 1^st flight. France and England mark the occasion by simultaneously moth-balling their fleets of faster than sound Concorde jets. Not to be outdone, Canada celebrates by sending Air Canada, it’s only remaining national air carrier (unless you count the Irving Family’s private jet), into receivership. The United States, ever the life of the party, bomb the crap out of Iraq.

Jan 01

“Canadian health authorities fail to connect the dots”

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In the height of the SARS epidemic paranoia, and 2 short days after health authorities in Toronto threaten criminal charges against a man that “might” be infected with SARS who, rather than entering voluntary quarantine, went to work; the Quebec provincial health authority declares that there will be no threat to the public health if their casino (de Hull) remains open 1 day after a food handler and four other casino employees “are” diagnosed as having TB. One day later, Canadian health authorities lament the probability that the SARS epidemic could get dangerously out of hand over the upcoming Easter weekend. News Flash: TB, like SARS, is a known deadly respiratory disease. Southeast Asians are particularly susceptible to gambling addictions, and SARS.

Jan 01

“Drug Profits say Marijuana is bad but if Mary wanna little pill, that’s another story”

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After Big Drug company profits take a “hit” when their feminine Hormone Replacement Therapy treatments are proved to be carcinogenic, they waste no time redirecting their marketing machine onto “pushing” contraceptive pills (containing the same carcinogenic ingredients) on adolescent girls as the miracle cure for everything from zits, to migraines and that age old “disease” called the period. Living proof that it is only contraband, if it is contra-brand.

Jan 01

PM Jean Chrétien makes one final bid for Newsmaker of the Year honors.

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On the same day that America’s Green River Killer pleads guilty to killing 48 women, Jean-boy makes 47 high level appointments. Add the other 42 appointments announced the week before and his buddy binge over the period of a week reaches a whopping 99. When it comes to patronage he must surely be remembered as the Great One (remember, Gretzky only wore the number 99).

Jan 01

“Doh! Canada, are you nuts!!”

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Our Canadian Government picks the day that Americans are debating to fight or not to fight and to hell with our chicken-shit allies (particularly those to the North) to distribute free Tim Horton coffee and “donuts” on Capital Hill (Washington) as part of their Canada Appreciation day in America. On the brighter side, the U.S. can no longer say Canada didn’t contribute anything to their war effort.

Jan 01

“Bin Laden secretly plans to destroy America by ensuring Bush remains in office for another term.”

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Osama Bin Laden surfaces again with another of his “death to America” messages when support for the Bush family foreign policy seems to be at low ebb. Some are noticing a pattern as he seems to be surfacing (more predictably than a ground-hog) whenever and wherever the Bush handlers need him.