The ISS Space Symphony
This one was “out of this world”.
See the video here
Category Archive: 2015
Jan 01
Quote of the Year 2015
“I escaped one war in my homeland only to fight another one here.”
— random 20-30 something refugee guy on BBC after being told he cannot cross the Hungarian border
Runner up:
“In America, we’ve begun to view mass shootings like we do hurricanes or earthquakes – tragic but inevitable. Our lens is all fucked up.”
–Deborah Roseman
Jan 01
Joke of the Year 2015
Photography is still the only hobby where you can shoot people and cut their heads off without going to jail.
Jan 01
Commercial of the Year 2015
Friends Furever by Google
This ad for Google’s Android operating system sends the message, “we shouldn’t have to be the same to get along”. Take that Apple and you other organizations focused on conformity, hatred and/or global domination.
See the commercial at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnVuqfXohxc
Runners Up:
Make it Happy by Coca Cola: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibgvkXm9Qkc
Golf Commentator Kraken by Geico: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaJWYjWt9c0
Jan 01
Other Awards 2015
My “NudeStory of the Year” award goes to… Playboy magazine.
Things get serious when Playboy magazine calls their readers’ bluff by announcing plans to no longer publish nude photographs. Commencing next spring their subscribers can prove once and for all that they just buy the magazine for the articles.
My “Morals of This Story” award goes to… Ashley Madison.
The Canadian-based online dating service for persons who are married or in committed relationships, feels betrayed after the personal information of 33 million clients is stolen by hackers. The righteously indignant owner of the website is offering a $500,000 reward for information leading to the apprehension of whoever cheated on him/her. The irony and affairly alarming moral of this story is that the company’s official slogan is: “Life is short. Have an affair.”
My “Where’s Waldette” (or “All Aboard the Crazy Train“) award goes to… this random bunch of migrants.
On the one hand, our hearts go out to all of the families fleeing a combat zone, on the other hand, if you try to find the women and children boarding this train in Croatia you might have a couple of fingers left to count something else.
Ref: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-34307014
My “Something is Rotten in the State of the Art” award goes to… Baotou, China
It’s hi tech’s dirty little BIG secret. A 10 square kilometre man-made lake of toxic sludge that would make the architects of the Alberta Oil Sands blush continues to grow outside Baotou, the largest industrial city in Inner Mongolia. All those smart phones and other shiny new consumer electronics that we are encouraged to upgrade to new improved models every other payday create more than jobs in China.
Ref: http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20150402-the-worst-place-on-earth
Related Quote: It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. –ALBERT EINSTEIN
Related Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwOBRH56Ic0
My “Dueling Headlines” (or “Anything You Candu, UScandu Too”) award goes to… Boeing Airlines.
Even as headlines scream, “President Obama to Raise Concerns that Chinese are Hacking US State and Trade Secrets” in talks with Chinese President Xi Jinping, Xi and US Aviation giant Boeing announce a mega billion dollar deal for sales of Boeing Aircraft to China that is predicated on Boeing opening factories in China.
Ref: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2015/09/23/china-buy-300-boeing-planes/72681578/
My “Blowing Smoke Up Your Ass“ (or Don’t Ask Me, I Just Work Here) award goes to… Volkswegan’s CEO
The CEO of Volkswagen was applauded by the disgraced carmaker’s board of directors when he magnanimously fell on his rubber sword after losing 1/3 ($30B and counting) of the company’s market value. His severance package is estimated to be in the neighbourhood of $69M US plus an annual $1m pension.
Related Quote: “I am stunned that misconduct on such a scale was possible in the Volkswagen Group…. I am not aware of any wrongdoing on my part.”
— resignation speech of CEO of Volkswagen (one of Europe’s highest-paid executives)
My “Most Moving Story“ award goes to… the Nepal Earthquake
In addition to the human tragedy of more than 8500 lives lost, Chinese authorities have indicated that this 7.8-magnitude quake actually moved Mount Everest, the tallest mountain in the world, three centimeters to the southwest. Later in the year a larger 8.3 magnitude earthquake moved parts of Chile more than 1 meter.
|
Earthquakes by Magnitude in 2015 |
|||||
| 8.0–9.9 | 7.0–7.9 | 6.0–6.9 | 5.0–5.9 | 4.0–4.9 | Total |
| 1 | 19 | 123 | 1,304 | 12,497 | 13,944 |
Runner Up: 1,000,000 Migrants Demanding Entry to Europe.
Jan 01
Headlines you won’t see in those mainstream Year-end Reviews 2015
(Hurting) Headitor’s note: Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my wreckollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy. You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.
“Frankly France, Why Don’t You Give a Damn?”
It’s déjà vu all over again in France. A terrorized trainload of Frenchmen sit and watch while three American passengers and an Englishman act to disarm a heavily armed muchaguylunatic. French train staff apparently entered a private cabin and locked it when they heard gunshots, leaving the passengers alone. One French actor was lightly wounded breaking glass to sound the alarm. He said, “I thought it was the end, that we were going to die, that he was going to kill us all… I really could see us all dying because we were all prisoners in that train, it would have been impossible to escape from that nightmare.”
Ironic Darwinian Twist: Faced with a situation where they were locked in and therefore unable to run, a trainload of Frenchmen appeared to prefer to sit and watch the enemy load and aim as opposed to fighting.
“Free Publicity! Jail Drug Pushers CEOs!”
Turing, a US pharmaceutical company, announces a 5,000% (from $13.50 to $750 per dose) price hike on a 62-year-old medication that is already well known and in demand. The company’s CEO, a former hedge fund manager, said that the drugs production cost of $1 per pill does not include other costs like marketing and distribution, which have increased dramatically in recent years. Said CEO, is an advocate of the new controlled distribution strategy that was recently adopted as a way to thwart (cheaper) generics. In all fairness, his 5,000% hike did generate additional demand (i.e. from existing clients who are demanding more reasonable prices).
Ref: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-34320413?ocid=global_bbccom_email_22092015_top+news+stories
“A Wrap-Around App for Your Laptop”
The valley boys let it all hang out with their latest smart idea. Recognizing that some couch potatoes might be guilty of getting exercise when they loosen their belts, they devise an app for that too, because [and you need to belt this one out in the key of ZZ], “every girl’s crazy bout a smart dressed man.” The “Belty” is a smart belt buckle that will automatically adjust itself as your waistline expands. Pass the Cheetos please. Would you like fries with that?
Ref: http://www.businessinsider.com/belty-smart-belt-loosens-itself-if-you-eat-too-much-2015-1
“World Soccer Federation President Gets the Boot”
Shortly after being re-elected as head of the world soccer federation despite a legacy of well publicized scandals and bribery charges under his 17 year reign, Sepp Blatter is given the boot. Blatter late than never, but alas his interim replacement is, himself, under investigation for bribery and corruption.
“Major Broadcast TV Networks Get Taste of Reality”
The major TV networks were all but shut-out again at this year’s Television Emmy awards. NBC did, however, manage to win the award for “Best Reality Program” which begs the question: If the Emmy Awards was a Reality TV show, how long before Reality TV as a network staple would be voted off the island?
“Ypres! It’s Deja Pew All Over Again”
The US Environmental Protection Agency celebrated the 100th anniversary of the 2nd Battle of Ypres (WWI) with their discovery of yet another German gas attack. They found a “clever piece of software” in Volkswagen’s diesel Audi A3, VW Jetta, Beetle, Golf and Passat cars that can tell the cars’ computer to temporarily switch on a system to cut emissions, but only when it is being tested for emissions.
Ref: http://www.bbc.com/news/business-34311819
Related Statistic: Volkswagen’s rigging of emissions tests for 11 million cars means they may be responsible for nearly 1 million tonnes of air pollution every year, roughly the same as the UK’s combined emissions for all power stations, vehicles, industry and agriculture.
“US Presidential Hopeful Admits She Might Have Been A Little Insecure”
Hillary Clinton (eventually) admits that she was, at times, using insecure channels when handling her email while serving as US Secretary of State. Although raised in ad nausea against her during her democratic leadership debates, she seems to have survived because wouldn’t any human that is involved in foreign affairs in these troubled times feel a little insecure now and then.
“We Put the No Innovation”
In addition to amazing features like [drum roll] a stylus and, [big Chinese gong] larger screens, Apple announces a new program that will make it easier (for a small monthly fee) to upgrade to a new iPhone every year.
“China Doubles Down On Its Labour Unrest”
China’s state-run Xinhua news agency reported that China will now allow families to have two children.
Ref: http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34666440?ocid=global_bbccom_email_30102015_magazine
“Whose Afraid of a Little Labour Unrest?”
A Chinese game show celebrated Mother’s Day with a little more Chinese labour unrest when 20 expectant fathers were challenged to undergo a simulated version of labour pain. A firefighter won the competition by managing to (briefly) survive a pain index of 80.
Ref: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/men-endure-labour-pain-simulator-5679403
“Oh Brother, Now Samsung is Singing the Virtues of 1984”
George Orwell’s dystopian classic, “1984” was not supposed to be a How to Guide, or was it. When the fine print on Samsung’s new Smart TV warned users, “…if your spoken words include personal or other sensitive information, that information will be among the data captured and transmitted to a third party…” millions of “smart-iZombies” blinked as they lined up for this latest “smart” product release. If that “brothers” the rest of you, don’t just blame Samsung, it is also an issue with Apple’s Siri, if not all other voice recognition devices. On the brighter side maybe now your favorite television hero will wake up and listen when you are trying to “yell” him to look out or, at least, stop yapping (because Big Brother is listening) and just shoot the psycho!
“Some Might Mecca Case for Divine Dissatisfaction”
While some Muslim fanatics are busy visiting death and terror around the world in the name of Allah, back at home 2,411 devout Muslims are crushed to death during their annual pilgrimage to Mecca. Two weeks earlier, on September 11 (the anniversary of the 9/11 terror attack on the World Trade towers) another 111 were crushed when a crane working on Mecca’s Grand Mosque collapsed.
Ref: http://www.thestar.com/news/world/2015/12/11/hajj-stampede-death-toll-rises-to-2411.html
“The World is Becoming All Shook Up (and not just by earthquakes)”
Although not yet a “hunka burning love”, American President Obama and Cuban President Raul Castro made nice, not once, but twice in 2015. Diplomatic relations between the two countries were restored for the first time since 1961. Meanwhile the presidents of China and Taiwan “shook things up” in Singapore in what amounts to the first time the heads of state in those countries have met and shook hands since 1949.
Jan 01
New Words 2015
The following new words have been recognized by the Oxford, Cambridge and Merriam-Webster dictionaries over the course of 2015.
butt-dial (v.): Inadvertently call (someone) on a mobile phone in one’s rear trouser pocket, as a result of pressure being accidentally applied to a button or buttons on the phone;
emoji (n.): Any small image or icon used in electronic communication;
fur baby (n.): A person’s dog, cat, or other furry pet animal;
hangry (adj.): Bad-tempered or irritable as a result of hunger;
jeggings (n.): A legging that is designed to resemble a tight-fitting pair of denim jeans and is made of a stretchable fabric;
Mx (n.): A title, like Mr. or Ms., used by those who wish to avoid specifying their gender;
photobomb (v.): To move into the frame of a photograph as it is being taken as a joke or prank;
pwn (v.): (Especially in video gaming) utterly defeat (an opponent or rival);
rage-quit (v.): Angrily abandon an activity or pursuit that has become frustrating;
rando (n.): A person one does not know, especially one regarded as odd, suspicious, or engaging in socially inappropriate behavior;
twerk (v.): Sexually suggestive dancing characterized by rapid, repeated hip thrusts and shaking of the buttocks, especially while squatting;
WTF (abbrev.) What the f—! Used especially to express or describe outraged surprise, recklessness, confusion or bemusement;
Bonus entry [from yours truly]:
pocket yoga (n.): what guys do when we get to the cash window at a drive through.
Jan 01
Vital Statistics 2015
|
Vital Statistics |
2015 |
2014 |
2013 |
2012 |
| a Canadian dollar is worth | $ 0.72US | $ 0.86US | $ 0.94US | $ 1.00US |
| a domestic postage stamp costs | $ 1.00 | $ 1.00 | $ 0.63 | $ 0.59 |
| a local Bell pay phone call(if u can find one) | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 |
| a liter of Pepsi costs | $ 2.49 | $ 2.49 | $ 2.49 | $ 2.49 |
| a liter of water costs | $ 2.49 | $ 2.49 | $ 2.39 | $ 2.29 |
| a liter of milk costs (purchased in a four liter bag) | $ 1.00 | $ 1.00 | $ 1.35 | $ 1.25 |
| a liter of gasoline costs | $ 0.81 | $ 0.94 | $ 1.27 | $ 1.14 |
| a loaf of bread costs | $ 3.19 | $ 3.49 | $ 3.49 | $ 3.39 |
| a paperback novel costs | $11.99 | $11.99 | $10.99 | $10.99 |
| a weekly (Time) magazine costs | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 |
| a comic book costs | $ 3.99 | $ 3.99 | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 |
| a daily newspaper costs | $ 1.52 | $ 1.52 | $ 1.43 | $ 1.19 |
| a regular bus ride costs | $ 3.55 | $ 3.45 | $ 3.40 | $ 3.30 |
| a medium cup of coffee costs | $ 1.57 | $ 1.57 | $ 1.52 | $ 1.52 |
| a basic cable television package | $40.48 | $39.48 | $38.67 | $37.81 |
| a first run movie rental costs | $ 5.99 | $ 5.99 | $ 4.99 | $ 5.99 |
| an adult movie theatre ticket costs | $10.99 | $10.99 | $10.99 | $10.99 |
| a children’s movie theatre ticket costs | $ 8.50 | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 |
| Minimum wage (Ontario) | $11.25/hr | $11.00/hr | $10.25/hr | $10.25/hr |
| an adult men’s haircut | $19.00 | $19.00 | $18.00 | $18.00 |
| a medium combination pizza | $16.75 | $15.75 | $16.25 | $17.25 |
Bonus – Other Vital Stat Meters at a Glance: http://www.worldometers.info/
Jan 01
Predictions for the Year 2016
A tastefully clothed Easter Bunny graces the cover of the first ever nudeless Playboy magazine. The following month, the cover depicts a spartanly armoured, but dead, Energizer Bunny being carried back to the Playboy mansion on his drum.
Apple Inc. unveils its latest round of innovation with an announcement that last year’s small fee for annual upgrades will now be much larger.
Muslims relocated to the West sue for divorce and demand half of everything based on the precedent set by divorce law which has already deemed that the inability of a wife to change the qualities that allegedly attracted them to their husbands represents irreconcilable difference and grounds for divorce.
Frenchmen demand compensation in the form of American military aid on the grounds that ever since Nikita, their only bona fide action hero, left for Hollywood, they have been both defenceless and terrified.
Ex-FIFA president Sepp Blatter is hired by Volkswagen in an attempt to salvage their reputation. He immediately changes the name of their troubled VW Golf brand to the VW Ypres and bribes the EPA to look the other way so he can finally release a successful German gas attack on the West.
Millions of Muslims fleeing the death and terror of Hajj, flood into Europe. Sadly most die enroute to Germany due to asphyxiation from the Volkswagen buses they are crammed into.
A new men’s endurance event called childbirth is introduced as a demonstrator sport at the 2016 Summer Olympics. It draws rave reviews from a record female viewing audience that eclipses the combined audiences of all other events combined.
Terrorism is eradicated when the death penalty is replaced by a life sentence of simulated childbirth proving there are some things that not even 72 virgins can inspire in impressionable young lunatics. The Muslim world experiences a renaissance of its golden age when the same deterrent also leads to a greater respect for women’s rights.
Donald Trump wigs out when he loses the US Presidential election to Hillary Clinton. He immediately fires his campaign advisor, an unemployed Canadian Prime Sinister, for the complete failure of his, “She doesn’t have the balls to be president. Nice hair though.” attack ads.
Jan 01
Memory Lane at Our House 2015
Ma will remember 2015 as the year she got zero home renovations (and survived Pa’s cooking).
Pa will remember 2015 as the year he retired, found a doctor and was deserted by his right mind (ergo the left side of his body).
Thing 1 remembers 2015 as the year he ditched his braces and attended not one but two Japanese rock concerts.
Most Memorable News Event: Terrorist Attacks & Random Shootings
Favourite Pastime: Anything Japanese
Favourite Game: League of Legends
Favourite TV Show: Grimm
Favourite Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Favourite Song: Gone by Coldrain
Thing 2 remembers 2015 as the year he graduated high school, travelled to Mexico and started his 1st year at college.
Most Memorable News Event: Falcon 9 Space Booster Landing
Favourite Pastime: Pushing his mother’s buttons
Favourite Game: Stepping over stacks of cloths at his bedroom door.
Favourite TV Show: Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Favourite Movie: Ant-Man
Favourite Song: Cha-Ching by the Bank Accounts