I win the Nobel Prize in Economics with my cure for the European Debt Crisis. The plan hires the Spanish to build a giant debtors’ prison wall around Italy and Greece. The Portuguese are hired to police the wall while the Italians and the Greeks are ordered to fight a war (using swords and spears made in Ireland) with the winner allowed to enslave the loser and thereby continue their lavish lifestyle.
Experts discover a typo in the text book used by the world’s most prestigious business schools responsible for turning out bankers and politicians everywhere. Apparently the typesetters had inadvertently switched the letters f and b. Their “fooks” were improperly instructing their “binancial” graduates to “bail” instead of “fail” institutions who lose their shirts in “fad” investments.
The western world collapses as a result of the (not so sudden) onset of an epidemic of Infrastructure Deficit Disorder (IDD) which was previously just referred to as politics. This marks the first time in the history of the world that a new mental disorder is discovered before the drug companies can patent a drug that allegedly combats it. In the absence of any available treatment, the public is told to stay at home and call 3 Asian help desks in the morning.
Deposed Italian PM Burlesgue-aroni surfaces in Canada where he convinces the Liberals and NDP to merge under his leadership. He names his new political juggernaut the Bunga, Bunga Party.
Charlie Sheen is elected the new Prime Minister of Italy.
In a bold stroke of genius, governments everywhere introduce a new lottery (a.k.a. a dating service) that subsidizes hot young chicks who are willing to marry doddering old boomers. Productivity (of the biblical kind) falls but not as significantly as the number of old guys on pension whose hearts can’t make it to the next Valentine Day. Meanwhile a massive influx of inheritance taxes allows governments to cut income tax to “beget” productivity (of the economical kind) which was already booming because the young working guys had no chicks to chase.
The cure to everything is discovered prompting what is left of western economies to collapse with the sudden influx of millions of non-profit charity foundation employees onto the unemployment role.
America pays down its deficit by charging $100,000 per year for the above-mentioned pill.