Category Archive: 2010

Jan 01

Unsolicited E-mail Message of the Year 2010

“Did You Know?”

An interesting wake-up call for the complacent student and champions of the Western superiority complex.

See the message here

 

Jan 01

Quote of the Year 2010

I have the lowest tax rate of anybody in my office, even though I don’t have a tax shelter. I think that is very wrong.— Warren Buffet, 2nd richest person in the US.

 

Runner up:  “Due to the recession, to save on energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off. ”   — God

Jan 01

Joke of the Year 2010

A lady who craves sleep is seated next to a lawyer on a long flight, but he keeps waking her up. “Let’s play a trivia game,” he suggests. “If I answer wrong, I’ll pay you $50. If you answer wrong, you owe me $5.” The lady agrees, and the lawyer goes first. “What’s the distance between the earth and the moon?” The lady hands the lawyer $5. Now it’s her turn. “What goes up a mountain on three legs and comes down on four?”  The lawyer is dumbstruck. He scans the Internet, flips through his pocket encyclopedia, and texts every scientist he can find. No dice. Hours later, he wakes up the lady, hands her $50, and asks, “So what’s the answer?” Without a word, she hands him $5 and goes back to sleep.

Jan 01

My “Government for the People” award goes to… Chile

From an area not always noted for its touchy feely people politics, the police chief of Concepciòn orders his officers to refrain from arresting post earthquake looters caught stealing essential supplies.  According to him, “If they have basic foods, milk, flour, water, diapers for babies, the order is to not arrest them;  but if they have a television, they’ll arrest them.”  The Chilean president, Michelle Bachelet, orders supermarkets to give away basic supplies in an effort to help desperate victims of the devastating earthquake and to control looting that has broken out in some cities.   She added that the government will also, “prosecute anyone responsible for price speculation in the disaster area.”

 

Related Statistic: The magnitude 8.8 quake that struck on Feb. 27 near Maule, Chile moved the entire city of Concepción 10 feet to the west.

Jan 01

My “Boo[b] Boo Gone Wild” (or Myth Buster) award goes to… Hojatoleslam Kazem Seddiqi

In April this Iranian cleric advised his followers in Tehran that “Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes” and Iranians should “adapt their lives to Islam’s moral codes” to avoid being “buried under the rubble.”   On April 26, an estimated 200,000 university coeds on campuses across North America let it all hang out in a mass demonstration of defiance and skepticism that was dubbed “Boobquake.”  The mean seismic average magnitude of all earthquakes reported on April 26 was actually slightly below average.

Jan 01

My “Food for Thought (that’s hard to stomach)” award goes to… Ethiopia

Every day in Ethiopia, locals in modern farming operations protected by guards wielding AK47s pick, pack and load hundreds of tons of fresh produce that is flown to a handful of oil rich Middle Eastern cities, entirely bypassing Ethiopia, one of the hungriest places on the planet. The trip from vine to store shelf takes less than 24 hours.   Plantations like this one have become common across Africa where richer countries including South Korea and Japan, and rising powers like China and India, have begun leasing vast tracts of land. They are joined by Agribusiness and Western hedge funds that are funneling billions into the new projects in anticipation of continued global food shortages and rising food prices.   They say they’re bringing desperately needed new technologies, seeds and investment to Africa, but opponents call it profiteering and a “land grab” that is forcing poor farmers off their land and benefiting only those  governments that are inking the deals.

Jan 01

My “Genetically Too Stupid to Evolve” award goes to… Dr. Craig Venter

Nice try swine flu, let me show you how it’s really done.  Here’s one scientist who has figured out how to prevent mankind from destroying our planet.  This American biologist and entrepreneur most famous for his role in being one of the first to sequence the human genome, creates an artificial living cell by synthesizing the entire genome of a bacterium and transplanting it into another.  He hailed the new organism as, “the first self replicating species…on the planet whose parent is a computer.”   For more on that story see Terminators 1, 2, 3, etc.  Pigs don’t fly but all the “Skynets” in the galaxy won’t be able to contain airborne bacteria.

Jan 01

My “You Sank My Battleship! Now Let’s Play Risk” award goes to… Korea

In March a South Korean warship was sunk with 46 lives lost.  An international  team of investigators found that the evidence pointed “overwhelmingly to the conclusion that the torpedo was fired by a North Korean submarine.” It added: “There is no other plausible explanation.”   Later in the year, South Korean war games near the North Korean border lead to an artillery exchange and further loss of life.   For Kor-e-an out loud, can you guys just try and get along?

Jan 01

My “Spyderwicki Chronicles” (or “The Geek shall Inherit the World”) award goes to… “Hackers, Hackers, Everywhere”

In January, Google announced that it (and many other Fortune 100 companies) had been hacked.  The source of the attack that spanned about half a year was tracked back to two schools in China. The primary goal of the attack, dubbed project Aurora, was to gain access to and potentially modify source code repositories at high tech, security and defense contractor companies.   In a related story, the Chinese city of Shaoxing was identified as the source of 21.3% of all (12 billion) malicious emails sent throughout the world.

 

Later and elsewhere in the news, a self-replicating computer program (called a worm) designed to attack and sabotage manufacturing facilities, power grids, pipelines and nuclear plants was discovered in Iran.  The worm intercepts legitimate commands that control devices such as valves and pressure gauges and substitutes them with potentially destructive ones.   Dubbed the Stuxnet worm, it has spread to over 100,000 machines in more than 155 countries, though most are in Iran.  Experts claim “…we’ve never seen such an advanced threat that needed so many different skills to come together.” To date no-one has been able to identify the creator of this “cyber-weapon” although given that the target was almost certainly the nuclear reactors in Iran most believe it originated in the US or Israel (although it could just as easily be some evil billionaire with a cat).

 

Rounding out a year that saw the U.S. Coastguard protecting the privacy of British Petroleum’s effort (or lack thereof) to cleanup the mother of all oil spills, government agencies everywhere the world over were tripping over themselves in attempts to gag, smear and/or arrest WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange for his role in introducing a few barrels of declassified, “he said, she said” news leaks.

Jan 01

Headlines you won’t see in those mainstream Year-end Reviews 2010

(Hurting) Headitor’s note:  Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my wreckollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy.  You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.

 

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