I will get out of the house on my own one night every week in order to stop bugging Ma’s butt and in order to generate some new stories to tell her (even if I have to make them up).
Ma will tame Thing Shrew of his attitude or die trying.
Thing 1 (and I) will join an archery club and he will try to be a little more sociable in the real world.
Thing 2 will pick his own things up off of the floor even though it may cause a reduction in demand for his highly lucrative back massage operation. He will also try to talk a little more and talk back a lot less.