Nature rebounds as an extraordinary number of animals on the brink of extinction make unprecedented recoveries. Environmentalists attribute this phenomena to the recent rash of deaths in epidemic proportions among hunters, fishermen and lumberjacks from what has been coined the “DetroIT Syndrome”. Most died of starvation and/or drowning as the electrical in their off-road vehicles shorted out while crossing streams. Without electricity they were unable to open their windows or doors.
The U.S. Dollar bounces back with a vengeance to record high exchange rates thanks to the introduction of Eurodollar, or more accurately the Euro 2 Dollar coin. That’s right, not learning from a similar Canadian experiment gone bad, the European Market learns that, psychologically (and therefore economically) speaking, loose change is not accorded the same esteem as it’s paper predecessor (i.e. it’s not considered to be worth the paper it’s not printed on).
After many failed attempts at peace on earth, North America’s musicians finally end suffering on the planet by “not singing”.
Leonardo di Caprio and Tom Cruise are ordered onto steroids and ponytails are outlawed on all male action heroes in Hollywood after the US Secretary of Interior Defense discovers an undeniable correlation between the rise in terrorism and other Third World Anti-American activity and the loss of John Wayne and the relative demise of Eastwood, Bronson, Stallone and Schwarzenegger as box office stars.
On merit of it’s successful handling of the Mad Cow scare, the department of Agriculture takes over the fight against Anthrax (another epidemic of bovine origin) from the Office of Homeland Security. They immediately round up anyone who has visited Florida and/or the Senate and slaughter them; thereby, solving not only the Anthrax problem but also the rising costs of pension contributions in support of the rising numbers of senior citizens.
Without an army to send to war or an arms industry to profit from someone else’s war, Japan becomes the first industrial nation to collapse as a result of the Global recession.