Predictions for the Year 2018
Twitter unveils Dodder, a premium extra-secure version of its product for old eccentrics and/or politicians that think an “all thumbs” approach to policy, diplomacy and public opinion will make them cool.
The Dodder administration encourages cowboys and baseball enthusiasts to place a pinch of coal dust between their cheek and gums to make America great again. Meanwhile, American teens are encouraged to snort at least one line of coal dust every day because coal is the new cool.
In another attempt to make America Great Again, The Dodder Administration announces it will resurrect the buggy whip industry.
Boasting his and her elevators to access the cab and an extended bed that can accommodate a squadron of 747 Jumbo Jets (or two 2017 Ford Expeditions), Ford Motor Company’s new Enterprise class nuclear powered pick-up truck flattens the competition.
As food shortages immigrate to America despite sugar coated assurances from the Woeful Office that Global Warming is a groundless figment of fake science designed to undermine The Dodder’s supreme intellect, he says, “lettuce eat cake” and signs an executive order demanding that Americans (or at least 99% of them) substitute Twinkies for all things that grow out of the ground.
America nukes North Korea over reports that Chairman Kim Jong Un had claimed that more people attended his birthday celebration than there were at the Dodder’s inauguration.
In an ongoing attempt to bolster Irrnational Insecurity and his Administration, The Dodder threatens to block internet service providers from the American market unless they provide him with the personal information and open access to every visitor on every site that mentions his name in anything but glowing tribute.
The United States of America burns down when wildfires sweep the nation because all the water that was required to fight them was squandered in attempts to disperse anti-Trump demonstrators.
US Naval officers and crew are now required to undertake annual eye-eye tests.
High end woman’s hand bags double in size now that the fashion industry has models that can bear the weight.
American Troops are not sent to liberate a single country that is sitting on rich coal reserves.
The world becomes a better place when every person, corporation and billionaire in the world suddenly demands immediate steps be taken to punish Dictators and War Criminals everywhere. This unprecedented level of global public awareness and rage is fueled by a new crimes against humanity surcharge that is added to the price of gasoline every time the sociopathic butt sphincters of the world attack helpless women or children within their borders (or anyone else’s).
