My “Frankly, This Was a Surprise” award goes to… France.
For the first time since Napoleon Bonaparte, France unilaterally (and successfully) attacked an enemy when they aided the Government of Mali against Islamist insurgents. There are, however, some who claim that the attack was merely a diversion to cover the French Government’s retreat from the real enemy which is their ballooning deficit at home.
My “Emperor’s New Cloths” award goes to… Lululemon
It is sheer pantamonium when Lululemon, a designer of ridiculously expensive gym cloths, gets its knickers in a knot after an adoring public sees through the marketing glitz and discovers there is really nothing behind (or between) the latest thing in yoga pants.
My “Brain on Drugs” award goes to… the writer’s of Breaking Bad, a TV drama.
In five short seasons they managed to transform everyone we thought were likeable into eggsactly the opposite. The one mind blowing exception is the sleazy lawyer who remains in character throughout the series and winds up the most likeable of the bunch. He scores his own spin-off series while the rest of the caste turn sunny side up with the airing of last year’s final episode.
Runner Up: That RCMP dude who didn’t see a problem with taking the odd medical marijuana smoke break while in uniform.
My “Grass is Not Greener” award goes to… Samara, Russia
For those of you who think your streets have been going to pot, just be happy you are not Russian to get home along the streets of Samara where cars and buses have been known to vanish into their epidemic of sinkholes. (see for yourself at: Russian city being ‘eaten alive’ )
My “Nee Jerk Reaction of the Year” award goes to… the Taxi Driver who took me home on the night of the Boston Marathon bombing.
Convinced that this was yet another conspiracy on the part of the Great American Satan to convince the world that all Muslims were radical terrorist bombers, my middle eastern friend exploded into a marathon rant that would last the entire ride home.
My “Ship Happens” award goes to… Carnival Cruise Lines
Even as the captain who failed to go down with his Carnival cruise ship, the Costa Concordia (that sank of the coast of Italy last year) is up to his ears in –it, the 7000 passengers and crew of the Triumph, another Carnival Cruise ship, are up to their knees in –it as they are unable to flush their toilets for 5 days. Hey everyone, I think they’re’ having a potty on the poop deck!
My “Dude, Where’s My Car? Clothesline? McMansion? Job? Family? Spare Time?, Travel Allowance?” award goes to… North Americans.
NIMBY (an acronym for the phrase “Not In My Back Yard”) is replaced by BANANA (an acronym for “Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anyone”). Who needs to eat? We want our cake…outlawed, as everyone everywhere just says no to pipelines, railways, nuclear power plants, pet chickens, clotheslines, …
My “Ferrari Tale Ending” award goes to… the anti-gas-guzzler
Past rumours of the demise of the electric car appear to have been greatly exaggerated as they now appear to be racing along the road to redemption. There were no less than 15 different models of electric car on sale in 2013 and, at prices ranging from USD$25,000 – $80,000, you don’t need to be a guzzillionnaire to buy one. That notwithstanding, the high end Tesla Model S ($71,000-$91,000), by one estimate, captured 8.4% of the luxury car market in the US last year. When Prince Charming arrives to put paid to our happy story for ever after, there is a good chance he might riding a $1.4Million LaFerrari that boasts a 160-horsepower electric engine strapped to a 12-cylinder, 800-horsepower gasoline engine. (ref: Running on Fumes)
My “Bishops of Buzzkill” award goes to… Popes Benedict XVI and Francis
Tell all the “little Borgias” their party is over because there is a new sheriff in town. In February Pope Benedict bucked papal tradition when he voluntarily resigned (an event that last occurred way back in the 13th century). This came as a complete surprise to the mob of mostly Italian cardinals who were expecting to assist the aging pontiff through his waning years in office. The election of his successor, Pope Francis marked yet another blow to church tradition, as his arrival would break a 1272 year European hammerlock on the Supreme Pontiff in what many insiders describe as another clear message to the mob of mostly Italian cardinals administering the Roman Curia that enough is enough. Like his 13th century namesake St Francis of Assisi (and the Cathars of southern France who were barbarously annihilated at the behest of the 13th century Church), Pope Francis set the tone early by snubbing the glory and trappings of office in deference to the fundamentals of Christ and the people.
My “Do as we say not as we…doh!” award goes to… U.S. President Obama
In a state of the union address, the president unveils an executive order that will bolster cyber-security through greater sharing of information between public and private sectors. Ironically, some bugs may still need to be ironed out as the digital dominoes start falling when America’s allies discover their lines are being bugged by their American friends. Alas that minor breech of trust takes back seat to the President’s global obsession with a game of drones that has been instigated to locate and extract (i.e. go bin Laden on) Edward Snowden for his personal breech of trust while contracted by an uber-untrustworthy National Security Agency.